Cat Memes from A to Z

It's Friday, so I'm going spend the next hour compiling a list of cat memes that in some way or another represent each letter of the alphabet, interspersed with some of the best, most relevant musical numbers from Phineas and Ferb. I came up with this idea in the middle of the night last night--I was dreaming about cats and the alphabet, so, good for me unconscious self.

And with no further ado...

A is for Airplane.

And for some in-flight entertainment.... Phineas and Ferb!

And for some in-flight entertainment.... Phineas and Ferb!

B is for Butter. And Biscuits. And Belly Rubs.

butter-cat-meme
belly-rub-cat-meme

C is for Carl.

I know someone else named Carl.

I know someone else named Carl.

D is for Dog.

A Platypus would be another useful pet.

A Platypus would be another useful pet.

E is for Elephant.

cat-elephant-meme

F is for Fast.

running-cat-meme

G is for Grills. And Grandparents.

cat-grill-stuck-meme
Grandparents are the best. 

Grandparents are the best

H is for Haters.

haters-cat-meme

I is for Invisible.

invisible-bike-cat-meme

J is for Jumping.

jumping-cat-meme-1
jumping-cat-meme-4
jumping-cat-meme-2
jumping-cat-meme-3

K is for Keyboard.

keyboard-cat-meme

L is for Loaf.

loaf-cat-meme

M is for Meow. And Mere Cat.

meow-cat-meme
mere-cat-meme

N is for Ninja.

Already too late is right...

Already too late is right...

O is for Orange.

orange-cat-meme
orange-cat-meme-2

P is for Pie.

mittens-pie-cat-meme

Q is for Quantum Mechanics.

schrodinger-cat-meme
schrodinger-cat-meme-3
schrodinger-cat-meme-2
schrodinger-cat-meme-4

R is for the Red Dot. 

Other red things include apples, clown noses, and rubber boots.

Other red things include apples, clown noses, and rubber boots.

red-dot-cat-meme-3
red-dot-cat-meme-2
red-dot-cat-meme-2

S is for Shoes.

More importantly, do the shoes have aglets?

More importantly, do the shoes have aglets?

T is for Tacos.

taco-cat-meme

U is for Universe.

Phineas and Ferb go to space, make a moon farm, have a milkshake bar on an asteroid, help save aliens...

Phineas and Ferb go to space, make a moon farm, have a milkshake bar on an asteroid, help save aliens...

V is for Victorian. And Volume.

victorian-cat-meme
volume-cat-meme

W is for Wet.

wet-cat-meme

X is for X-Rays.

xray

Y is for You.

you-cat-meme

Z is for Zombies.

zombie-cat-meme

In conclusion, adopt a cat and you will have cool internet pictures and an awesome roommate.

Click here to get blog posts (about cats, the universe, and everything) delivered to your inbox weekly!

adopt-a-cat-meme


The Umbrella Sonnet

Since I don't actually own an umbrella or own any photos of myself holding one, I opted to go outside and take this picture of me in the rain instead. I hope it is all you had ever hoped for.

Since I don't actually own an umbrella or own any photos of myself holding one, I opted to go outside and take this picture of me in the rain instead. I hope it is all you had ever hoped for.

In the spirit of digging through all of my old papers for yesterday's blog post, combined with the weather outside (gray, rainy, and cold), added to my new penchant for writing bad sonnets, I have decided to present to you The Umbrella Sonnet mentioned in yesterday's quiz, not once, not twice, but THRICE (that means three times)! Yes, such a treat.

The first rendition is that from my former self of old, the long forgotten college-age poetic genius I once was (this is sarcasm, btw). It fits into some structure that was not quite okayed by my lit professor. In other words, this is Draft 1.

Umbrellas

From my high perch I wake to see the rain
The breeze so softly carries wisps and traces
Of memories and of forgotten faces.
Below the ground bleeds with a coloured stain.
Circular wounds bleed on the crowded plain.
Flowing with the rain, battling time and space
They float towards their unnoticed hiding place.
They twirl and dance and dissipate as morning wanes.

My eyes effectively deceive! These wounds
Are not true wounds! Black, blue, red, white, and green
A myriad of colours, pattern'd blooms
Mix and match and blend a new and lovely screen
Harbor comfort from all the clouds that loom
O'er this glorious and momentary scene.

This rubber duck seems to be enjoying the rain a great deal. I think we should all strive to be a little bit more like this duck -- Philosophy by Ariele.

This rubber duck seems to be enjoying the rain a great deal. I think we should all strive to be a little bit more like this duck -- Philosophy by Ariele.

I cringed as I typed that. My thoughts went something like this: Is that how you spell wisps? Does the breeze really carry faces? Maybe I should've gone to the doctor. Or a scientist--something seriously seems to be wrong with the ground... OMG, I'm SO EXCITED THAT THE GROUND ISN'T ACTUALLY BLEEDING. "My eyes effectively deceive!" And 'pattern'd'! I really used the word 'Pattern'd'!

It doesn't even make sense.

Now let's take a gander at draft #2 with a format approved by my professor.

Umbrellas

From my high perch I wake to see the rain
Alighting on everything in my sight
I glance below and start with pure delight;
Spots cascade across the gray, wet plain.

These spots confuse my sleepy brain.
The colours blur, black, green, blue, yellow, white.
They move and dance in arbitrary flight,
Slowly dissipating as morning wanes.

I think, and then I finally can see
These spots that move gracefully without sound
Are quite common. I quite smile gleefully
For these instruments so petite and round
Protect the bearer from getting soggy
And look to be a sunset on the ground.

This one makes a little more sense at least, although I appear to have been easily confused back in the days of yore. Apparently, if you look down on umbrellas from above, they look like little colourful bubble ninjas running around everywhere. That said, I think it's much more boring than Draft 1. The metaphor that the earth is bleeding and my excitement over the fact that all is not as I imagined is much more interesting than this basic description.

I tried to get the rain in the sky behind me, but it mostly just looks like I'm confused and terrified that I'm being abducted by aliens. I guess the confusion didn't lessen with age.

I tried to get the rain in the sky behind me, but it mostly just looks like I'm confused and terrified that I'm being abducted by aliens. I guess the confusion didn't lessen with age.

So let's scurry on forward to the present day.

I give you this wonderful piece called "The Umbrella Sonnet," written by modern day Ariele (with an Ariele-approved structure), on the usefulness of an umbrella. In the air of transparency, I don't actually own an umbrella and perhaps I should never own one. I will leave that up to you to decide. 

At any rate, this poem was cobbled together with the hope that, at very least, it is more entertaining than my past self's versions. But seriously, counting syllables is hard although I am grateful that I only needed 10, as that is the same number as I have fingers. You should try writing a sonnet sometime. I dare you.

Anyway, enjoy :)

The Umbrella Sonnet

Umbrellas are good for so many things,
Like keeping hair dry or giving you wings
So you can fly on a wet, windy day,
And easily avoid car tire spray.

If you need to poke an enemy's eye,
An umbrella spike will let you be sly.
Umbrellas are good for clearing the way--
A live battering ram to part the fray.

Most importantly, an umbrella will
Look classy and rich with bowtie and twill,
Spats and a top hat, a cane and mustache,
And one last item--a large bit of cash.

You'll impress the ladies, men, and small kids
'Til the universe says you are lunch for a squid.

 

Click here to get blog posts (about umbrellas, the universe, and everything) delivered to your inbox weekly!
cat-umbrella-meme


Makers and Shakers - Words on Paper

makers-shakers-outside-ariele

Last weekend I had the privilege to speak at the annual Makers and Shakers summit in Somersworth, NH. The line-up of speakers was incredible, with presentations on everything from a local MMA start-up, to what libraries can do for you, to how print media still has value in the community.

I had been toying with an idea to somehow make the author and self-publishing industry relevant to people who don't care one wingnut about the industry as a whole, and I came up with several different speeches that hopefully do something relevant to that concept. The one I chose for this presentation was focused on how authors can help the community and how the community can help authors. Maximum time was 8 minutes, and I think I did a decent job.

The event overall was a great experience, and it's really cool to see all of the awesome things that are going on in the Seacoast, both in Portsmouth and beyond. It also served as a great networking event, and I forged a good number of new connections.

It's a free event, and I highly recommend attending next year.

Below is a video of my presentation, and underneath it, the transcript. Enjoy.

Click here to get blog posts (about cool things that happen, the universe, and everything) delivered to your inbox weekly!

Introduction by Vanessa: She is a freelance writer by day, and the founder of New England Independent Writers. She is a self-published scifi writer, with three novels and one children's book. She started writing as a child, and in her free time she likes to go swing dancing and explore the woods. Without any further ado, ladies and gentlemen, Ariele Sieling!

Ariele:  Thank you.

I'm going to start today by taking a quick poll. Raise your hand if you own an ereader of some sort: an iPhone, a Kindle, a Nook, an iPad, a tablet... most of you do, I would hope, at this point.

Second question: raise your hand if in the last year, you downloaded and read a book on your ereader. Excellent, glad to see so many readers in the audience. 

Last question: raise your hand if, after reading the book, you went online and wrote a review. Thank you (to the one person that raised their hand).

[Laughter. ]

Most people don't. An interesting statistic says that less than 10% of people who purchase a product will go online and write a review, but between 72% - 90% of people, depending on what study you read, will use reviews to decide whether or not to buy a product. That means that less than 10% of people are influencing how 72% of people choose how to spend their money. I think that's a pretty significant statistic. 

So, does it really matter if you write a review of a book, or a blender, or anything? I think it matters and I think it matters a lot.

Everybody tells stories. I tell stories--this is a picture of me with one my books. You tell stories, via Instagram or Facebook or whatever your preferred choice of medium is. Parents and teachers tell stories, politicians tell stories--even the news tells stories. But stories are just words on paper or a computer screen until somebody reads it, shares it, criticizes it--gives it a few minutes of their time.

And the stories that get the most support from their communities--those are the stories that make a difference.

At New England Independent Writers, we're all about stories. Our goal is to support independent storytelling via the medium of books, and our vision is to help local authors that are dedicated and strong to rise to the top of the industry.

What this means for us is that we're constantly looking for opportunities to find ways for local authors to connect with the local community. We do this in a variety of ways, like putting together an anthology of short stories by local authors, we might go to local events or festivals, or we might do presentations like I'm doing right now--but the goal is to help authors find the support and the criticism they need to tell stories worth telling. 

What this means for you is that you have direct access to some of the best storytellers in the community. You can influence what stories are told, and you can influence what stories end up making a difference. 

I spend a lot of time talking to people in the community, librarians in particular, trying to find ways for authors to connect with and give back to the local community. I would venture to say that connecting with the community, for any storyteller, is one of the most difficult, and possibly one of the most important things they can do. 

Let me illustrate with a story.

Once upon a time, there was a guy I met that wanted to be a writer. So he wrote a book. He self-published it on Amazon. He got one review--from his mom. And nobody knows who he is. He didn't get any community support. But he continued, and wrote two more books, and no one still knows who he is.

I'm going to tell a different story--wait let me clarify. His story was bad. It was not copy edited, poor plot structure, gratuitous violence--bad. 

Once upon a time, there was another guy who wanted to be a writer. He wrote a book, published it on Amazon, and got dozens of reviews. He wrote more stories, clumped them altogether in one book, and now he's a millionaire. His name is Hugh Howey, author of the popular dystopian book, Wool.

So what's the difference? Aside from the quality of the writing. They both wanted to be writers, they both self-published, they both wrote more books...

The difference starts with writing a story worth telling, and one of the stories was obviously not worth telling. But it takes off when it gets community support. 

Most authors that I know are somewhere between these two authors. I don't personally know any self-published millionaires, but I know plenty of authors that are making a living through writing, or at least supplementing their income pretty significantly. But there are still plenty of stories out there that are worth telling, but are lying dormant because their authors don't have the resources to access the community.

Every good story starts with an idea, as words on paper, as an empty canvas, or as a simple photo. And then the story needs community, resources, and time to grow.

So if you find a story that you love, I encourage you to find a way to support it, whether that means donating money, volunteering your time or skill set to give that story a larger impact, or sharing it with your friends and family.

It's like voting, except that instead of only one vote, you get as many votes as you're willing to put the time and energy into casting.

So why not start by writing a review?

Thank you.

Click here to get blog posts (about cool things that happen, the universe, and everything) delivered to your inbox weekly!

My Best Friend Sarah

Yesterday was National Best Friends Day (apparently this is a real day) and I decided that, to celebrate, I should write a belated post on my best friend, Sarah. I asked her permission and she said, "Sure :) is it going to be as scary as that picture of me? Ha!" I will leave that up to you to judge. 

Anyway, Sarah's pretty cool. She has cool hair. And a cool husband. And a cool house. And she sells stuff!

All you folks in upstate NY should go check out her stuff--it's at Mint Velvet in Corning.

Now I'm going to tell a story.

Once upon a time there were two bawling lumps of flesh (called babies in the colloquial) that were born a month apart. Then, three years later, give or take a few months, they met and decided to be friends. 

For the next several years they terrorized everyone they came across, from their parents to their brothers to their librarian, by reading a lot, playing dress-up, and building forts. (Now, when I say "several" years, I mostly mean the next 24 years because that's about how long it's been. Speaking of which, it's almost Sarah's birthday and I need to remember it. One of these days I'll put it on my calendar and my phone will remind me so I don't accidentally forget.)

I think it is important to note that these children in question were extremely attractive children. Case in point:

Sarah is on the left; Ariele is on the right; broccoli is in the middle. 

Sarah is on the left; Ariele is on the right; broccoli is in the middle. 

They liked to do photo shoots with vegetables, though neither of them can remember why. Here is another one: 

Those are some variety of pumpkins. Also my brothers are in this picture.

Those are some variety of pumpkins. Also my brothers are in this picture.

They also liked to play dress up, play with dolls, and read. Here are the results of their labors: 

sarah-ariele-dolls
Yup. Matching dresses. My mom made them. You can check out more by her here.

Yup. Matching dresses. My mom made them. You can check out more by her here.

Also we went to The American Girl Place in Chicago. It was very fun.

Also we went to The American Girl Place in Chicago. It was very fun.

Anyway, to make a really long and rambling story short, Ariele moved to NH (eventually) and Sarah got married. 

sarah-jordan-wedding
ariele-in-winter-in-nh
It was a vintage-themed shower so lots of people showed up wearing vintage dresses.

It was a vintage-themed shower so lots of people showed up wearing vintage dresses.

Let me break the 4th wall of this story and pat myself on the back for a minute: I threw Sarah a really fricking awesome wedding shower. I mean, just look at how happy she looks.

I made her open a bajillion presents in less than an hour (at least, that was the goal), via the method of jeopardy and threatened to steal her presents if her party-goers got any of the answers to my jeopardy questions wrong.

Some of the questions may or may not have included, "When did Sarah first cut her hair to look like George from Nancy Drew?" and "How many times has Sarah gotten stung by a bee at Ariele's house?" (Answer: a lot. We call her the bee-attracter because she gets stung just about every time she comes over.)

The end of the story probably won't come for a few more decades, so please stay tuned.

ariele-on-sarahs-lap

But in the meantime, there are a few things you should know about Sarah: 

  • She makes good food, particularly out of apples we found on the ground in the woods
  • She drinks a lot of smoothies
  • She's married to Jordan, an A-list stud
  • She does not sing
  • She doesn't appreciate it when I give her dirty socks for her birthday
  • She's hardcore for Jesus
  • She always makes time to hang when I end up in the upstate
  • She's a lot like my mom
  • I wouldn't trade her for a bajillion dollars

In conclusion, ladies and gentlemen, I definitely have a best friend worth celebrating on yesterday's beloved and arbitrary internet holiday: "National Best Friends Day."

ariele-sarah-fun-pic
ariele-sarah-wedding-dress

10 Pieces of Furniture Every Writer Needs

Far be it for me to dictate what every writer needs, but I think when you see this list, you will agree. There are just some things you can't live without. For some people, it's coffee. For others, it's chocolate. But for writers, it's these amazing pieces of furniture.

1. Lamp

The best place to start is with this duck lamp. Everyone needs this duck lamp. Not only does it provide light and act as a conversation starter, it also serves to stimulate the imagination. I mean, think about it... an alien race with avian roots with light bulbs instead of faces that are biologically programmed to be solar powered...

This duck lamp would look great on your desk, in your living room, or out front in your lawn.

2. Chair

One of the most crucial parts of being a writer is comfort. In order to be a successful writer, you must have someplace to sit that you can trust and count on. This sheep chair is the perfect chair: soft, fuzzy, and it will keep away anyone who is trying to distract you from writing. It can also help you brainstorm characterization. The sheep on the left is Character 1 and is moody, intelligent, and remorseful...

This chair will look great in your office, at your dining room table, or on your porch.

3. Desk

As a writer, you will spend copious amounts of time sitting at a desk. As a result, you will need to have the right desk to inspire your creativity. I think rhinoceroses are incredibly inspiring, so this one should do it. It even has drawers to put little pieces of paper with ideas written on them, small stones you have collected, or feathers from local birds. Some of the ideas you could come up with while sitting at this desk include new types of technology, a scheme for smuggled rhino horns, or the intestinal system of an alien bug...

Most people put desks in their office but if you want to switch things up, this particular desk would look amazing in a bedroom, in a bathroom, or in the yard where it can freak out passersby.  

4. Bed

Everyone needs to sleep, but why not sleep while also practicing high speed car chases? I mean, look at this bed. It's cool, it's fun, and it's the perfect bed to help you brainstorm and construct scenes that take place in cars. All you need to do is install some flashing lights or some speakers for siren sound effects and you'll have everything you need for a chase.

Most people put beds in their bedroom. Other interesting rooms for bed placement include the attic, the basement, and the living room.

5. Couch

It's common knowledge that writers need to read, and a comfortable couch is a good way to go. This one, in particular, is awesome for reading outside. Just sit back, open your book, and enjoy the afternoon. It's also a fantastic way to brainstorm how people in other societies live--maybe they take all their furniture outdoors and going "indoors" is a treat!

This couch would look best in the front yard, in the living room, or in the attic, but needs to be trimmed every few days.

6. Dresser

Clothes. Everybody wears 'em. If you're going to wear'em, you need to store'em. Thus, I suggest this dresser, which is not only the ultimate storage location for clothes, but also a best friend. I mean, look at it: instead of sitting alone in the house all day, writing, you can talk to this cheerful friend? Who better than this dresser? A good friend, a good set of drawers, and someone so that you don't have to talk to yourself. Then people won't think you're going crazy when you start brainstorming your new idea for a organic helicopter out loud.

This dresser would not only look great in a bedroom or closet, but also in a living room or in your office--so you don't have to head anywhere else for a chat.

7. Bookcase

They say if you're having writers block, you should kill of a character. There is no better reminder of this than a bookcase shaped like a coffin. You can even organize your books by how many characters die in them--George R. R. Martin's series would be right at the top. So while you're working, all you need to do is glance up and suddenly ideas for your main character's demise will begin rushing through your brain.

A classy bookcase like this would look spectacular in  your living room, bedroom, or office. 

8. Clock

Ugh, clocks are the worst. They either run too slowly or run too quickly, with either way too much time or not enough. Unfortunately, we need them to tell us when we are and aren't being productive. This clock in particular offers one excellent benefit, however: it reminds us of how hungry we are when we're trying to work. It says, "You need breakfast" at all times of day or night. What more could you want from a clock?

This clock would look excellent in an office, living room, or anywhere else you spend time working. 

9. Artwork

There's nothing worse for creativity than sitting in a boring room with empty walls. Good artwork is critical to the creative process. This particular piece of art is an awesome choice for acceptable wall art. This octopus tentacle will inspire you to accurately describe the monsters swimming in an alien ocean, the magic of the suckers on Octopus legs, and the personality of an odd-tempered Welshman.

This beautiful sculpture would look amazing on any wall in the house--particularly the bathroom, to startle unsuspecting guests.

10. Cat Hangers

Got cats? Probably, if you're a writer. Or at least some other sort of pet. If you have cats, then you will need a secure and safe way to store them--so why not cat hangers? These cat hangers are durable and flexible, able to support and store any size or shape cat. I recommend grabbing some right away, before they sell out.

These hangers can work great in a closet, on a doorknob, or on any sort of horizontal bar or pole.

What furniture do you have in your house that inspires you and helps you write?

Click here to get blog posts (about cats, the universe, and everything) delivered to your inbox weekly!