As you probably know, I am a millennial. And I am a specific type of millennial who was born at just the right time, to be just old enough, and who happened to have lived in a household who ate cereal—to be the type of millennial whose family purchased a box of Chex cereal with a copy of the Chex Quest video game inside.
And I am the type of millennial who played said video game.
If you're not familiar with Chex Quest, it was a video game developed in 1996 based on Doom, and subsequently offered as a breakfast cereal prize in the form of a CD-ROM. Instead of bullets and guns, players used a "zorcher" to teleport slimy aliens called Flemoids back to their home dimension, ensuring the intergalactic safety of the Cereal Dimension.
Now, I also happened to be the type of kid who was only allowed to play computer games that were educational. Which meant that I played math games and strategy games, word games and typing games—but my family didn't own any "fun" games. Except Chex Quest.
Naturally, I was obsessed with it. And apparently, still am to this day.
In 2018, I had writer's block, and on a whim, downloaded Chex Quest (you can get it here for free), and had the random idea to write a romance set in the Chex Quest universe. I got about half of it written and my writer's block was cured.
Well, I had more writer's block earlier this year, so I decided to open the old project back up again.
And then I finished it.
And here we are.
Now, fan fiction is a tricky business from a copyright perspective. I own what I wrote, but General Mills owns the Chex Quest IP, so I can't publish the book the way I would normally publish it.
As such, I've made it a free reward for my Patreon subscribers, and if you'd like to read it, you find it there (click here!).
In the meantime, I’ve included a sneak peek below.
Blurb for Love In The Time of Flemoids:
Flemoids have been discovered deep within the caverns of Bazoik. Though Fred Chexster, the Chex Warrior, had supposedly zapped them all back to their original dimension years ago, new flemoids keep emerging. And it's my squadron's job to deal with them.
Even though it's my first day on Bazoik after a long interstellar trip, I'm immediately distracted by Those Eyes—belonging to the most attractive Chex scientist I've ever seen. But while my eyes may be only for Rye, somehow I seem to have captured the attentions of Fred Chexter himself.
All my missions before now have been simple: go in, zorch the flemoids, and get out. But on Bazoik, things have become far more complicated. Not only do new types of flemoids keep popping up from seemingly nowhere, but I am stuck between recieving the attentions of one Cerealian while desiring the attentions of another.
And worst of all, being distracted is dangerous when flemoids lurk behind every cereal tree. I have to regain focus, or else I risk my own life, the life of my team, and all of planet Bazoik.
Love In The Time of Flemoids: A Romantic Chex Quest Adventure
Chapter 1: Those Rye Eyes
Those eyes. Dreamy wasn't the right word. Gorgeous wasn't the right word, either. Distracting? Yeah, that was it. I pulled my attention away from the scientist on the other side of the room and refocused on my commanding officer.
"There are eighteen buildings in this compound!" my commanding officer shouted. "Memorize every one! Housing! Cafeteria! Arboretum! Meeting area! Landing dock! Laboratory—"
I zoned out again, my eyes straying back toward the scientist. He was over by the drink machine, pouring a refillable glass of orange juice. I slowly rotated the glass I’d been assigned on arrival in my fingers. These scientists and their refillable glasses. I was pretty sure I hadn't seen a disposable cup since I got here. He wore a lab coat just like the rest, and had a square, solid body type. Then he glanced over toward the group of soldiers I stood with and I accidentally caught his eyes.
"Aw toast," I swore under my breath, looking away abruptly. He had definitely seen me staring, but there wasn't anything I could do about it now.
"The flemoid nest is in the caverns below the settlement!" my commanding officer shouted. Alpen was a no-nonsense straight-shooter, who never bothered with quiet commentary and closed-door conversations. If she hated you, she said it to your face. "We will set out at 0800 tomorrow. Today, familiarize yourself with the facility, memorize the cavern maps, stop by the armory to get your zorchers recalibrated, and eat! Dismissed!"
The squadron broke apart, chatting quietly among ourselves. I carefully kept my gaze away from the scientist on the other side of the room and focused on my comrade, Crunch.
"Do they really need all of us for this?" Crunch groaned, tagging along beside me. Crunch and I usually were assigned to bunk together, and we got along well.
"It does seem like overkill," I agreed. "Where are you off to now?"
"Gonna get my zorcher recalibrated first thing." Crunch shrugged. "Who knows how long it will take?"
"Mind if I come along?" I asked.
The two of us headed back toward the armory, which was just one of the lab buildings that had been repurposed. The bulk of my other squadron members were heading toward the cafeteria, so it was mostly empty when we arrived.
"Hello there," the armory guard said as we entered. "Welcome to Bazoik!"
"Hey," I said, offering a casual wave. "We need to get our zorchers recalibrated for flemoids."
"I can do that for ya." The guard smiled. "Name's Rice, by the way."
"I’m AJ, and—" I glanced at Crunch. She was staring at Rice, unable to tear her eyes away. "Well, uh, this is my buddy Crunch." I elbowed Crunch in the ribs.
"Um, good breakfasts," Crunch said hastily, blushing. She pulled out her zorcher and handed it to the guard.
Rice winked at her. "Nice to meet you both. How was the flight?"
"Eh," I said, shrugging, reaching out to hand him my zorcher as well. "They put us in stasis this time around. We think they're trying to save money on training new warriors by making it so we never age."
"It's always the same, huh?" Rice chatted. "Always about money. Just give me two minutes—I'll be right back with your weapons."
As soon as he disappeared into the back, I nudged my friend and waggled my eyebrows in the direction Rice had disappeared.
"Knock it off," Crunch muttered, her face still red. "I was just surprised, is all."
"You think he's cute!" I pressed, grinning. "He is, it's true. You gonna ask him out?"
"Depends on how long we'll be here." Crunch’s blush deepened to an even darker shade of red.
My grin widened. Last time I had seen Crunch this discombobulated was when she had just returned from an evening run, during which she had nearly tripped over a drunken doppelgänger of the famous Chex Warrior, Hero of the Cereal Dimension, and possibly a compulsive liar—though no one was sure about that. It hadn’t been him, of course, but for at least ten minutes, she had thought it was and her face had been as red as a fire engine the entire time.
"But you're hardly one to talk," Crunch added. "I saw you staring at that cute scientist earlier." It was her turn to waggle her eyebrows at me.
"I don't know what you think you saw," I said airily, "but I can assure you I wasn't staring at anyone." She knew I was lying through my teeth, naturally.
"Whatever you say." Crunch winked at me just as Rice strolled back into the room.
"Zorchers are re-calibrated to send the flemoids back to their dimension, as requested," he said with a grin, "and I charged them up for you while I was at it."
"Thanks, Rice!" I said.
"Let me know if you need me to, ah, double check them," he replied, winking at Crunch.
She blushed furiously, and then turned and fled the building.
"Hey," I said, meeting Rice’s gaze with a grin of my own. "Can I get your number—for her?"
Rice grinned and nodded. "Sure thing, Corporal." He handed me a piece of paper. "Have a delicious day!"
"You too!" I hurried to catch up with Crunch.
"Food?" Crunch asked, as I moved up beside her.
"You want your present first?" I tilted my head and raised an eyebrow.
"What present?"
I grinned and handed Crunch the piece of paper with Rice's number on it.
"I can't believe you did that!" If possible, Crunch's face flushed to an even deeper shade of red, almost purple.
"You're welcome," I said, skipping off toward the cafeteria.
The cafeteria was an enormous room. A small kitchen staff fed ingredients into the breakfast machines, which spit out wonderful smelling combinations of eggs, bacon, fruit, milk, and bread. We had been fed intravenously during the journey, so not only were we all starving, but we were ready to experience taste again. All I’d had since arrival was juice and nutritional supplements.
"It smells amazing," Crunch exclaimed as we moved deeper into the room.
We grabbed trays and headed for the first group of machines. Pictures of bagels of all shapes and sizes covered the outside of the machine. There were fruit bagels (blueberry, strawberry, banana, and raisin), nut bagels (almond, walnut, bay-nut, and peanut), and seed (sesame, cornseed, and flax). There were also breads, toasts, english muffins, and blueberry muffins, to name a few—and I couldn’t wait to dig in.
Next up was the protein machine—ham, bacon, and beans were the three most frequently consumed proteins, but this machine also had steak, chicken, and something called desert squirrel, which I assumed was some kind of local animal they had been catching. Though, I’d thought they’d said this planet was lifeless, so perhaps it was imported from another planet in the solar system.
There were giant baskets of oranges, lemons, apples, and bananas, and fruit juice machines filled with orange, cranberry, and apple juice. They also had coffee, milk, and tea available.
The biggest machine was filled with all kinds of cereals—square, torus-shaped, spherical, flat—you name it, in all colors and with every flavor. Every single kind was my favorite.
I helped myself to a banana bagel with cream cheese, an apple muffin, four slices of bacon and a slice of desert squirrel (just to see how it tasted), a banana, a giant glass of orange juice, and two bowls of cereal—sweet and square, and fruity and spherical.
"This is incredible." Crunch’s tray was just as full as mine. "I haven't had food in so long."
"Yeah, supplements and liquid meals get really old." I bit into the blueberry muffin, closing my eyes to savor the experience.
"Welcome to Bazoik," a voice said from my left. I turned, my eyes flying open and my mouth still full of food, to see Those Eyes looking down at me.
"Fank moo," I said, blushing as I tried to swallow the mouthful of muffin.
Crunch burst out laughing. "Nice to meet you," she replied to the scientist. "Thanks! We're just glad to be on solid ground again."
I coughed a little as the rather large lump of muffin that I had neglected to chew brushed up against my windpipe.
"Name's Rye," Those Eyes said.
"I’m Crunch, and this here is AJ," Crunch.
"AJ," I said, reaching out to shake Rye's hand. I swallowed again, trying not to cough all over the man. "Nice to meet you."
"Mind if I sit?" Rye didn't wait for our response, but sat down beside me and grinned. "So, what are you two here for?"
"Clearing out the flemoid nest down under," Crunch told him. "Then no doubt we'll be on our way to some other colony on some other planet to clear out some other flemoid invasion."
"We'll have to see if we can dig up any more flemoids," Rye said, "to give ya'll a reason to stick around." He winked at me even as Crunch sent me a pointed grin.
"What do you do?" I asked, relieved that my voice sounded normal, not spitty or like I was choking.
"I'm on the HB team—er, that stands for Hot Breakfast," he said. "We're working on a genetically modified tree that can grow a complete hot breakfast on one branch. So far, we've gotten it to grow two types of cereal and orange juice, but no protein."
"Sounds interesting," I replied. I didn't know what else to say. He was so close, I could feel the heat radiating from his body. I sent Crunch a panicked look, but Crunch just grinned at me and chomped down on a slice of bacon.
Just as I was about to idiotically ask, "Do you water the trees?" Rye added, "Yeah, it's an interesting project for the most part, but the most interesting part of our month is when we get new people! Same old teams get pretty boring around here. We're a new colony after all, so it's not like we can just head over to the next town for some fun—you know what I mean?"
"What is there to do for fun around here?" I asked, relieved that I had narrowly avoided asking if he watered the trees. Talk about embarrassing. I took a sip of orange juice and tried not to look at Those Eyes. They were greyish green, with little flecks in them, and long, graceful eyelashes. And his shoulders were as broad as a soldier’s, practically ripping the seams of his lab coat.
"Weekly dances." He shrugged. "Some good bars, bowling. Some good hiking if you like desert. There's a band called Trix Me Baby that plays shows sometimes. Other than that—" He shrugged again. "It's a small colony, what can I say?"
"Rye!" a voice called from across the room. "You're late!"
"Gotta go!" He stood up and grinned down at us. "Hope to see you muffins around."
Muffins. It was a casual enough term, but in this instance… I nearly groaned as I watched him stride rapidly across the room. Then I faced Crunch, only to find her staring back at me mischievously.
"I'm going to call it The Muffin Mishap," Crunch said.
"Ugh, no please," I actually groaned this time. "So embarrassing!"
"You can be the Muffin Man if you want."
I covered my face in my hand. "Can you believe I almost—almost—asked him, 'Do you water the trees?'"
Crunch let out a peal of laughter that shook her entire body. "Do you water the trees?" She repeated breathlessly, tears of amusement glistening in her eyes. "Oh, I would've paid to see that."
I glowered at my friend. "Next time, I am going to leave you alone with the armory guy, and see how you like it. You weren't helpful at all."
Crunch wiped her eyes and took a bite of eggs. "Next time. I promise. I'll help."
I shook my head. It had been awkward, yes, but I still wanted to see Rye again. And as he said, it was a small colony—I probably would. And soon.
