End of April Update

Happy May! April was an excellent month for me, and I’m just now starting to recover from it.

It was Camp National Novel Writing month, which is an offshoot of the regular NaNoWriMo, and tried something new—practicing intuitive writing. I won't get into all the boring details, but essentially, there are two kinds of writers: those who plot everything out in advance and those who don't (technically, there are lots of subcategories of those groups as well, but I digress). 

I am a writer who doesn't plot things out ahead of time, and I've always fought with it. I've read a couple dozen books on plotting, taken courses on it, even taught courses on it, and it never worked for me. So the last couple years I've been leaning into intuitive drafting more and more, trying to work with my brain rather than against it, and it's one of the best writing choices I've ever made.

Last month, I dove in with both feet. The goal was to simply write whatever I felt like, however I felt like, whenever I felt like. And the results have been astonishing.

By the end of the month, I clocked nearly 105k words written. For reference, the goal for a regular NanoWriMo is 50k, and during a typical camp, I tend to aim for 30k. My books tend to range between 60k and 80k words.

I wrote across several projects simultaneously: a series of short fairy tales by Ariele (see the cover images); a longer fantasy novel in a new world, new series; a book on intuitive writing for writers; and a short story set in the Land of Szornyek world about Askari's mother. 

I have several other projects on the horizon as well. I just got back my proofreader's notes on Book 7 of Land of Szornyek, so you can likely expect that within the next couple of weeks, depending on whether or not I do a map to go with it—if you want a map of Askari's world leave a comment, and if I get at least 3 replies either here or via email, I'll definitely do it.

In addition, I'm working on scheduling the proofread of the secret trilogy I've been talking about for three years, now titled Aria's Song. The plan is to launch all three books of the trilogy at once sometime in July, though that will depend somewhat on how well I can get my act together. 

And soon, I hope to have another update on the Rove City series, so keep an eye out for that. 

At any rate, my April was great. High word count aside, I also played piano nearly every day, planted some stuff in the garden, finished a few major house projects, and had a nice visit with my father-in-law. So yeah, feeling pretty good.

Now that May is here, I’ve spent a few days recovering (that many words is like running a month-long marathon), and am trying to catch up on all the things I ignored. I have a couple more blog posts in the queue as well, so stay tuned!

Or click here to sign up for my newsletter!

The Wolf Princess: An Excerpt

Update 5/27/2022: Read the full story here: https://books2read.com/u/mV8eXr !

This month, for Camp Nano, I’ve been working on a series of fairy tale short stories, among everything. Here is a quick excerpt. The whole thing will be available soon, so stay tuned!

The Wolf Princess

Once upon a time, King and Queen Acron of Balini birthed a beautiful daughter with pitch black hair. They had spent many years trying to conceive, and when they were finally successful they were ecstatic. However, on the day of her birth, the evil enchantress Liaandra the Bold strode into the castle, miffed that the King hadn’t paid her wages, for back in those days, she worked as a powerful battlemage on behalf of the royal family. But surely, so the story went, the King couldn’t be expected to remember something so paltry as wages on the day of the birth of his daughter, a much long-awaited event due to the queen’s struggles to bear children.

But Liaandra the Bold was most displeased, and as the King and Queen stood at the head of the throne room, ready to introduce the child to the court, her words echoed, “You dare treat me so, my liege?” Her voice was tinged with a vile sneer. “Throw me to the wolves, and so too shall your daughter be thrown to the wolves!”

And then she strode from the throne room in fury, her emerald green cape swirling in the wind.

At first, everyone thought they were just the ordinary words of an angry enchantress. But that night, the wolves outside howled fearfully in the gusty windy night. And the next night, the creatures drew closer to the castle, and the next night, even closer.

Of course, the king and queen had no intention of letting the wolves anywhere near their daughter. So they put out a bounty: any man or woman who brought a dead wolf to their doorstep would be paid a handsome sum. And as their daughter grew in age, wisdom, and stature, they resolved never to let her outdoors, nor anywhere near where she might encounter a wolf.

But their plans were ever foiled. Not a single man nor woman managed to successfully capture, maim, or kill a wolf, though the entire kingdom could clearly hear their howls from the forest and see their paw prints in the snow. And when the princess was a mere five years old, she sneaked out from under the watchful eye of her nursemaid, and made it all the way to the courtyard before anyone caught her.

Her parents added more guards, more nursemaids, and more servants to keep a watchful eye on her, but when she was eight, she escaped again. This time, they caught her all the way at the castle wall. And when she was fifteen—well, at that point, she was too smart, too clever, and too motivated, and she vanished without a trace. It was the middle of the winter, and on the night of her departure, and they tracked her footprints deep into the forest to a clearing, where they were most distraught to find the prints of dozens of wolves.

###

They said it was a curse, but for the life of her, Princess Sable couldn’t understand why.

The wolves, she discovered, were kind and gentle, soft and warm. For as long as she could remember, she listened to their song in the distance, a beautiful strain that swirled in the winter wind, danced among the conifers, and harmonized with the golden light of the full moon. And every time she had opened a window, or even dared simply to peer out, a nurse or a servant or a governess would rush over and slam it shut in her face.

There was to be no listening to the wolves, they told her, or even thinking about them, and every story book, history book, painting, and tapestry which featured wolves of any kind was removed from the palace as soon as it was discovered. And while Princess Sable’s life had been comfortable, she found it severely lacking. It was as if there was a hole inside of her she needed to fill.

When she ran away at age five, it hadn’t been with ill intent. She’d only wanted to hear the whispers of the wolves a little more clearly. And when she was eight, she’d wanted to meet one. At age fifteen, however, her motivations had been a lot different. For as fearful as her parents were of the great beasts of prey who prowled their kingdom like invisible demons, the truth was, Sable was tired of being protected. She had barely had a moment alone in her entire life. She had no free time, no alone time, and even her social life was carefully regulated by the king and queen.

What she wanted was a little freedom.

Any freedom at all.

And she knew, deep inside, that the only place she would find that freedom was with the wolves.

So, on the eve of her fifteenth birthday, after many weeks and months and even years of planning, she slipped from the castle and made her way to the woods. She didn’t feel the cold of the wind nor the icy burn of the snow underfoot—only the thundering of her heart and the rush of pleasure at finally being free.

And when she arrived in the clearing, the wolves waited for her, panting from their own race through the wintery wood, and then led her to their den in the far reaches of the kingdom.

No, Princess Sable soon learned, it was not a curse at all. For the magic of the great enchantress wrapped around her like warm boots and gloves. It gave her warmth and safety even as snow swirled around her and ice formed on the trees. It sneaked into her mind in the form of knowledge—of how to light a fire, how to cook food, how to trap smaller animals, how to forage for edible plants, how to boil water. And as she matured in age and beauty, so too did she mature in skill, strength, and determination.

The king and queen, however, lamented the loss of their daughter. They renewed the bounty on the wolves, with an even higher sum, and added one caveat: whoever could bring their daughter back from the grip of the wolves would be rewarded beyond measure. Many speculated about what they meant by that. Some thought they were offering riches, others preferred a title, and some even considered that the king and queen intended to offer the princess’s hand in marriage to whomever could find and save her.

The princess, of course, knew none of this. She now lived with absolute freedom and abandon, protected by the gift the enchantress had given her, and never lacking for companionship. For all the woods of the forest were at her beck and call. And together they roamed and ran and thrived.

But one day, everything changed. She and the wolves were out for a run when they stumbled upon a small cabin in the woods, and coming from inside, Sable could hear the small cries of what she thought was a child. She bade the wolves to wait quietly while she sneaked up to the cabin and peered through a small window. She was shocked to see not a child, but a woman, of middling age, sitting in a chair by a roaring fire and sobbing into her hands. Her cries racked her whole body, and Sable felt a well of compassion sweep over her.

So she knocked on the door.

“I saw you weeping,” she said by way of greeting. The social niceties she’d learned as a princess weren’t more than a distant memory at this point. She didn’t even know how long she’d been gone from her life as a princess. “Can I help?”

“My dear!” the woman exclaimed. “Come in! You must be freezing!”

Sable looked down at herself and for the first time since she’d run away, realized how she must look to others. She wore a thin dress, full of holes and covered with dirt; her black hair, while she washed and braided it weekly, was nearly to her knees in length and full of sticks and leaves; and she wore no shoes.

“Oh no,” she assured the woman, even as she willingly stepped into the cabin. “I am fine. I am protected. I was merely concerned for you.”

“You’re too kind.” The woman’s eyes and cheeks were reddened by the tears. “Perhaps I could give you some soup?”

“I haven’t had soup in…” Sable trailed off. She couldn’t remember how long it had been since she’d had soup. “May I ask why you were crying?”

“My husband has left,” the woman replied. “And I fear for him.”

“Where has he gone?”

“He says he has gone to improve our fortunes,” the woman replied, “but I think he has gone on a fool’s errand.”

“Improving your fortunes doesn’t sound too bad,” Sable said. “What does he plan to do?”

“He plans to find the lost princess,” the woman said.

“Oh.” Sable frowned. “Why? Has she done something wrong?”

“Have you not heard?” The woman once more glanced at Sable’s attire. “Surely not, if you are living in the woods. Many years ago, when the princess disappeared, the king and queen offered a handsome sum for her return. But none have found her.” The woman sighed. “It has been seven years, and now the queen is ill. She will bear no more children and the king must name an heir to the throne. They have put out one last call to find her, and if she does not return, then she will be presumed dead and the king will name a new heir.”

“Your husband thinks he can find the lost princess?” Sable asked, growing concerned.

“He wants to try,” she said, “with a hope of earning the riches promised by the crown.”

“I see.” Sable took a sip of the soup. “And why did you not go with him?”

“How could I?” the woman asked. “And give up our home and gardens and everything we have worked so hard to build together?”

“Is your home and garden more important than your love for him?” Sable asked, not looking up from her soup. It was quite delicious.

The woman sat quietly for a few moments. “I suppose not.”

“Perhaps you should go after him,” Sable said. “Has he been gone long?”

“Only a few days.” The woman looked at Sable curiously. “And what of you?”

“I am only passing through,” Sable said. “But wanted to make sure you were okay.” She drained the last bite of soup. “I will leave you to your tears.”

“Wait,” the woman said. “If… if I were to go after him—survival would be difficult. It is frigid cold, and taking such a long journey alone would be difficult. If you know these woods well, perhaps you have a thought for how I might take such a journey on my own.”

“Oh.” Sable thought for a moment. “I suppose I could help you.”

“You could?” the woman exclaimed. “Would you?”

Thus, Sable agreed to escort the woman to the edge of the great forest.

Stay tuned for updates!

Click here to sign up for my newsletter to find out when you can get the rest of the story!

The Lilac Tree

I thought I’d share an essay I wrote a while back, originally published in the Yellow Arrow Journal in 2020. I’m constantly writing essays, but when I go back, some of my old ones feel weird, almost like I didn’t write them. They don’t quite feel like me.

It’s interesting to see and watch how my voice and style has changed over the years. And I think this is a good example. I wrote this in 2019, published in 2020. If you’re interested in comparing, check out The Art of Wandering from about a month ago or Heartbeat from March 2021.

The Lilac Tree

When I was 10 years old, I had a beehive. Long story short—it died. But around my beehive, I planted a garden. To get to it, I had to cross the road, pass the barn, climb up a homemade stone staircase and a painfully steep hill, and make a left. I planted irises, marigolds, pansies, daisies, black-eyed Susans. I mowed down the grass and trimmed the bushes so there was plenty of light, plenty of room for everything to grow.

My friend Sarah used to garden with me. We cut down sapling trees and made an arch at the entrance. We collected big rocks and used them to line the edges of the flower beds. Before the beehive died, the bees hated Sarah. She must have smelled bad. Every time we worked up there, she got stung.

For my birthday one year, my parents gave me a lilac bush. It was small, a cutting from one of the big bushes by the house. I planted it in my garden. It didn’t bloom that year, but I still took care of it. Water. Soil. Sun. It bloomed the next year though, and the next.

My brother Gary had a garden, too. He was older, so his was much more extravagant. It was on top of the hill on the other side of the road, above the pond. It started out as raised beds. He built them with stones and filled them with soil. A shade garden, so myrtle. Lots of myrtle. And bloodroot. Lungwort. Forget-me-nots. Snowdrops. And comfrey.

Next, he built a hydraulic ram pump. I have no idea how it worked, but it didn’t require electricity. He put it in the spring, and it pumped water all the way up the hill into a big old plastic trash can. That trash can was always full. He used it to water the plants and sometimes for drinking water. Later, he spliced the pipes and made a fountain and a tiny pond in the middle of the garden.

He built a wall from rocks. And then a tower—about 7 ft tall, 10 ft in diameter. Big, but not that big. We helped—Sarah, Evan (my little brother), and me. I carried a lot of rocks. Gary carefully dry laid them, one by one. We all worked together to thatch the roof of the tower. It was like a castle. We called it Gary’s Garden.

Evan had a garden, too. His was messier, more Bohemian—it had a little bit of everything. It was on the hill behind the house, a different quadrant of the property than my garden or Gary’s. It had dirt trails, wild roses, elephant ferns, and a little bench made from leftover wood he scavenged from the barn. He even built a tiny shed where he kept his tools—one rake, a shovel, and an antique coke bottle. When his rabbits died, he buried them there.

The shed is still there, and the bones of his beloved pets. Maybe a few elephant ferns. But the rest of the garden has gone wild. In Gary’s Garden, the stone walls still stand, overrun with vines and myrtle and the downed branches of white pines. One of the walls has collapsed. The pump is gone, the pipes removed. But the bloodroot still grows. And snowdrops, every year.

Over the years, I aged, as one does. Through middle school, high school, college. I moved to North Carolina, New Hampshire, Maryland. Periodically, I would go home and peek in on my own garden. The marigolds and pansies died, of course. But the irises still bloomed every year. And the daisies. The black-eyed Susans. The Queen Ann’s lace. Dad eventually took the beehive back to his apiary and filled it with new bees.

Eventually, I stopped looking. It was a difficult trek up that hill, and the stone steps fell into disrepair. Bushes grew over the entrance, making the spot hard to get to. Last spring, I finally decided to go back. Dad had mowed a path to get to the apple trees, right through where my garden had been.

The arch was gone. The irises had vanished. I couldn’t find any signs of the stones I had laid out around the flower beds. The trees on all sides had grown up around it, their branches entwined, all reaching for the same sunlight.

But there, in the middle of it all, stood the lilac tree, in full bloom.

For more essays and updates on my writing, click here to sign up!

My Very First Quarantine Art

The pandemic is still ongoing, in case you hadn’t noticed. Worse now, if that’s even possible. Sometimes, I think back to when it started, and how we all locked down so quickly. We sold out of toilet paper! Everybody got to work from home.

And now… cases are sweeping through the nation. People are going to work like everything is normal. But it’s not. And it likely never will be again.

The image below is my very first piece of quarantine art. It seems so long ago, and yet, not long ago at all.

When we first went into lockdown, I spent the first month very stressed out, overwhelmed, and confused. Eventually, I decided I needed to manage my feelings, so I quit drinking, set up an exercise schedule, and began to draw. 

When I first sat down to do art, my biggest problem was that I didn't know what to draw. It had been a long time since I’d had a regular practice. So I drew a line. And then another. And then another.

The rules were: there's no such thing as a bad line. Keep going. You have to finish, no matter how you feel about it. 

It turned out, this was a very good set of rules for me. I tend to rush through art, so this forced me to slow down and take it one line at a time. I also tend to abandon art if I don't like it halfway through, so this forced me to keep pushing forward even if I didn't like it in the middle (spoiler: I almost always like a piece when it's done, even if I hate it in the middle).

Finally, forcing myself to keep going made it so that I kept having to come back to art, even when I didn't feel like it, because I needed to finish every piece and fill every page. 

This process turned out to be almost meditative to me. I'd throw on a TV show in the background, crawl in bed with my sharpies and a sketchbook, and several hours later, I'd emerge with a new piece of art and a new sense of calm.

This approach has worked wonders for me over the years (yes, I can say that because it’s been years plural since the pandemic began). Hopefully, I will continue to make art well into my 90s.

For more updates and art, join my Patreon!


The Bench at the End of the Universe

There has always been much speculation among scientists and philosophers about what exactly lies at the end of the universe. These speculative debates tend to be friendly, but that’s not to say no one ever wound up engaged in fisticuffs over the question. Philosophers in particular are inclined to solve the occasional disagreement with a good, old-fashioned boxing match.

Ideas vary widely. Some suggest all of everything exists in a loop, and that, in fact, the universe never ends. Instead “the end” is nothing more than right back where you started. You live, you die, you live, you die, you do it all over again.

Some say it is twenty-six dimensions and instead of reaching the end you just sort of wind up in the next dimension over, still in the same place… but different. Like a wibbly-wobbly ball of interdimensional mush folding over on itself for all eternity.

Some say the universe is expanding so quickly that no matter how fast you travel, you will never reach the end. Others say that heaven is at end of the universe, or hell. Still others say there is nothing at all at the end of the universe. It is true emptiness. A void.

One philosopher in particular believed that the end of the universe is a nothing but a utopia of pink rabbits, frolicking in a sea of white apple blossoms under a clear blue sky.

The answer is, in fact, much simpler.

There is a bench at the end of the universe.

“Perplexed” is the word which best describes the reaction of most scientists upon learning of this discovery. Astrophysicists, engineers, mathematicians, quantum physicists, astronomers, biologists—even astrologists found themselves shocked and confused. Perhaps even a little disappointed. They weren’t quite sure what to do with the bench, or what it meant. So they did what scientists do best: they catalogued it—its shape, its size, its color, its smell.

It is a solitary bench, surrounded by mist and fog, with a lush layer of dewy, green grass beneath. The wood is worn but not rotted, with a few initials scratched into the surface (after all, what is more romantic than carving your initials into the bench at the end of the universe?). It isn't cemented to the ground or secured by wooden posts, yet it cannot be moved.

It is the Bench at the End of the Universe.

Once the bench was discovered, scientists began to hypothesize. The first question they asked was, "How is there a bench at the end of the universe?" but no matter how many photos they took, how many samples they put in test tubes, how much data they gathered or numbers they crunched—the answer always remained: “We don’t know.”

So they passed it off to the philosophers.

Why is there a bench at the end of the universe?” the philosophers asked.

“It is a message from God communicating the importance of simplicity and keeping our minds focused on the now,” religious scholars said.

“It represents ultimate futility. The answer to every question we have about the meaning of life turns out to be a bench,” nihilists suggested.

“It means nothing,” the existentialists posited, “except that we should be finding meaning in our own lives and not worrying about what’s happening at the end of the universe.”

“Everything is meaningless and so is this bench,” declared the absurdists, “but whatever.”

When the philosophers ran out of things to say about it, they turned it over to the capitalists.

The capitalists, of course, turned it into a tourist attraction.

At first, tourists showed up in droves with cameras. They wore brightly colored visors, fanny packs, and t-shirts that read “THE BENCH.” But when they arrived at the end of the universe, they said, “Is this it?” and then left, disappointed that the only thing to see was a bench—even though they knew exactly what they were getting themselves into before they arrived.

The capitalists tried decreasing the price of entry, running online advertisements, and giving significant group discounts. They tried hosting workshops, music concerts, and lectures at the bench. They built plaques sharing historical information, biographies of the team who discovered it, and philosophical ramblings from various disciplines about the true Meaning, with a capital M, of the bench. They added music, colorful flags, and strings of shiny lights. They built a gift shop.

But the tourists could get those things anywhere. Even poets and artists who came to be inspired, left with little to show from their visit.

Soon, only a few transport buses arrived each week. They stayed for an hour and let the tourists mill about the grassy area to look at the foggy nothingness surrounding the bench. Stanchions, red velvet rope, and a large sign reading “DO NOT TOUCH,” prevented anyone from sitting on the bench or venturing too near. Visitors quickly became bored and left.

Popularity for the new tourist attraction dwindled rapidly, and eventually, the GalactiGroup Corporation decided to cancel the few remaining bus tours. They were taking a loss, and if people wanted to visit, they could find their own transportation.

As the very last bus opened its doors to welcome the very last customer for the very last time, it rattled and shook, in desperate need of maintenance GalactiGroup had opted not to provide. It carried only one passenger: a young woman wearing a loose t-shirt with her hair pulled back in a bun.

The most obvious thing about the young woman was that she was tired. Her eyes drooped and she sat numbly in the front seat, existing in that agitated state of wakefulness in which you both need to sleep and cannot sleep simultaneously. Yes, she was tired. Of everything. Every day was an endless revolving door of work and struggle, pain and longing. Her problems never went away; they just took turns harassing her.

The only good thing that had happened to her recently was that she won the Team Thank You Lottery at work. The prize: a ticket. Last month her coworker had won a ticket to attend a concert by the Weirdly Wonderful Winging Sisters, one of the most popular musical groups in the galaxy. The month before that, a different coworker won a ticket to the Galactic Milieu Fundraising Gala, where the richest, most famous, and most well-respected individuals in the galaxy gathered to support those less fortunate than they.

Of course, she had only won a ticket to the Bench, which was considered one of the least interesting tourist attractions in existence. But at least it was a change from the daily monotony. A break from rolling the rock up the hill every day, day after day, with nothing to show for it.

She boarded the transport bus. There was no bus driver to greet her, just a friendly robot that stamped her ticket and then revved up the bus engine. She was the only passenger.

She sat next to a window and stared out at the stars and the planets as the bus passed through the galaxy. She liked it when she could see a galaxy that was kind of far off—swirls of beautifully colored stars and galactic dust making unbelievably beautiful patterns in the sky.

When they arrived, the bus door squeaked as it opened.

“The bus will return in one hour,” the robot intoned, and then buzzed away to hover out of sight.

The woman surveyed the scene before her. The bench sat on a grassy knoll, surrounded by an empty, white fog. Silver stanchions with velvet red ropes created a barrier between her and the bench. A large sign read “DO NOT TOUCH.” The gift shop was closed.

She leaned forward to take a closer look at the scientific and philosophical marvel. She saw letters scratched into the wood—“J&A” and “S&J” and “G&M.” Someone had carved a heart around “G&M,” and another person had gouged out the shape of a star in one corner.

Right in the middle, almost invisible beneath all the letters lovers left in the wood, were three other letters: S, I, and T.

SIT.

Now, the woman knew sitting was against the rules. In fact, in addition to the sign which read “DO NOT TOUCH,” there were several other signs indicating that there was to be no touching, no sitting, and no flash photography, and those who broke the rules did so upon penalty of fine and imprisonment. But it looked to her like the bench itself was suggesting she sit down. Sure, perhaps those were more initials of the ancients who had created this place—S. I. T. could stand for Stanley Isaac Tomlinson or Stacey Isabelle Thomas.

But “sit,” seemed like a logical thing to do to a bench.

And the truth was, she was tired. Tired to the very core of her bones. A sort of mid-life weariness, built up over years of sleepless nights, long days, and an ever-growing pile of burdens and responsibilities. She glanced around—there were no guards, scientists, or philosophers. Even the bus had gone.

She was alone.

She ducked under the red velvet rope. And she sat on the bench.

It sounds like a simple enough thing to do—to sit—but believe it or not, no one had ever actually sat on the bench. The anthropologists had declared it a wonder of sentient engineering that should never be disturbed, the scientists had insisted that the bench remain clean of all outside bacteria and influences, and even the parents and teachers and middle managers had said, “Well, if the professionals say don’t sit, then don’t sit!” Everyone, for the first time in human history, had followed the rules.

Perhaps the rules were wrong, she thought.

For as she stared into the emptiness before her, the white fog began to dissipate, revealing all of time on a great multi-dimensional stage. It was a spider web stretching in every direction, filled with flowers and fireworks, brainstems and bacteria, and the swirling lives of people she had never known.

All of time, all of history, all of life spread out before her; people with their individual lives and individual struggles, a simultaneous feeling of emptiness and fullness.

Exhausted, yet alive.

Somehow mortal and immortal at the same time.

The Bench at the End of the Universe.

It wasn’t just a bench, or a tourist attraction, or a philosophical puzzle, or a math problem to solve.

It was a view.