Writing A Baseball [An Extremely Extended Metaphor]

I'm learning to throw a baseball. For those of you who don't know what that is, it looks like this: 

baseball-on-cement-on-the-ground

Apparently, there are a lot of things that go into throwing a baseball, particularly if you want it to go farther than a few feet. For example, you have to let it go at just the right spot, with just the right momentum, and with just the right force. And your feet have to somehow be in alignment with the rest of your body or it's just like shooting yourself in the foot--or throwing a baseball at your foot, as the case may be.

Not only that, but baseball is different for everyone. Sure there are certain strategies that work across body types, but here's the thing: no one is built with the same proportions, the same strength, and the same coordination as another person.

Now, before this week I have never thrown an actual baseball in my life (that I can remember). I've thrown lots of other things: rocks, sticks, buckets of water, basketballs, chuckballs (this will appear in another blog post at some point in the future so stay tuned), food, brothers, phones, bats, pool toys, eggs, dead mice, chickens, etc.

So imagine my irritation when some guy (an adult with two boys) yells from the other side of the fence, "you throw like a girl!"

Now first of all, I find this incredibly insulting. Because, it is an insult regardless of who's saying it to whom, and then on top of that it's sexist, and on top of that it's rude. I'm pretty sure he wasn't trying to associate my throwing skills with Mo'Ne Davis, but instead implying that from his perspective women are weaker and less skilled at athletics... but before I get lost down the never-ending rabbit hole of feminism that wasn't my initial point, I also want to point out that it was a terrible influence to the kids he was with. Now they're going to go home with newly reinforced backwards societal norms and think it's okay to insult their friends while simultaneously degrading women. 

So what did I do to said offender? I yelled some offhand comment that hopefully communicated "go away" and went back to throwing baseballs at Josh.

Baseball throwing requires skill, patience, practice, and the ability to ignore people around you acting like idiots who downplay the importance of practicing the skill.

What does that sound like? Yes. Writing.

There are a lot of things that go into writing. You have to have a story to tell. You have to choose the right words to tell it. You have to have structure, plot, characterization, tone, voice style...

It's different for everyone. Everyone has a different voice. Each of us has different goals, different strengths, a different purpose, and a different story to tell. But we all mostly have to follow the same rules and the same guidelines. No one work is exactly the same as another. (We call that plagiarism.)

And then, there are those jerks that stand on the other side of the fence (many of which have never thrown a baseball in their life [or written a word]) yelling, "you throw like a girl!" or "ugh, I hated this piece of trash" or "I hope this person never writes another word in their life."

You know, I'm not a huge fan of Stefanie Meyers or E.L. James' work myself, but imagine the courage it must have to keep writing despite all the trash talk about their work. Even money doesn't fix emotional trauma, and while I'm on the topic [SOAPBOX], just because you don't like their work or think it's morally wrong or talks about an issue in a way that legitimizes abuse, it doesn't make cyber bullying okay (yes, free speech; yes, criticize the work itself; no, don't bully). It's like killing someone because they stole your TV. If you don't like the work, quit talking about it, quit paying money to consume the stuff, encourage everyone you know to do the same thing, and start a campaign to end sexual violence against everyone. [END SOAPBOX.]

If you love writing, the most important thing is to focus on the writing. Hone your skills. Learn to create better characters. Learn to build believable plot lines. Learn to fill your worlds with tantalizing details. Write what you love. Ignore the troll on the other side of the fence and be proud of all of the throws it took for you to become Mo'Ne Davis.

Never stop writing.

Beekeeping Things: Ariele and Peter Look In A Wild Hive [Video Series]

This is me, vacuuming bees out of a wall in a house that is scheduled for deomolition.

This is me, vacuuming bees out of a wall in a house that is scheduled for deomolition.

One of the cool things my dad does is take bees out of people's houses. I've only done a couple of removals with him, but he's done tons. Bees like to make their homes anywhere that offers a cavity of a certain size that is also dry and safe. House, garage, and barn walls or between the floor and ceiling are the ideal nesting place for bees.

Many people try to kill colonies that have moved into their buildings with poison, rather than calling a beekeeper, because to remove a colony that has already started building comb and having babies takes a lot of time for the beekeeper, and the bees are not happy about it, making them defensive and sting-y. So beekeepers tend to charge for this type of work. 

In today's video, Dad removed a wild hive from someone's house and has put it in a hive box to see if it will survive the winter. You can see the comb that the bees built--Dad has placed it in the hive box so the bees won't lose their hatching brood.

I've also thrown together some photos of me and Dad removing bees from various places.

In this picture, Dad has ripped the siding from an old house and is working at removing the bees that have taken up residence inside. This ended up being 2 colonies and an 8-hour job.

In this picture, Dad has ripped the siding from an old house and is working at removing the bees that have taken up residence inside. This ended up being 2 colonies and an 8-hour job.

In this picture, a massive swarm descended on the front yard of my parents' house and settled in the plum trees. It was 9 pounds of bees.

In this picture, a massive swarm descended on the front yard of my parents' house and settled in the plum trees. It was 9 pounds of bees.

In this photo, Dad readies the smoker as we prepare to remove some of the supers to harvest honey.

In this photo, Dad readies the smoker as we prepare to remove some of the supers to harvest honey.

This swarm decided that rather than move into a nice safe wall in somebody's house, they'd start building their comb in a tree. This is a rare occurrence where either they couldn't find a nesting place, or finding their home took so long they natura…

This swarm decided that rather than move into a nice safe wall in somebody's house, they'd start building their comb in a tree. This is a rare occurrence where either they couldn't find a nesting place, or finding their home took so long they naturally started depositing comb on the branch. In cold climates building your house outdoors is an unwise course of action for the bees. Isn't the comb beautiful, though?

And there you have it: this week's Beekeeping Things! Stay tuned next week for some more wild and wonderful in the world of bees. Or check out last week's post: Beekeeping Things: Ariele and Peter Catch a Swarm [Video Series].

Click here to get blog posts (about beekeeping, the universe, and everything) delivered to your inbox weekly!

Beekeeping Things: Ariele and Peter Catch a Swarm [Video Series]

swarm-of-bees-1

Given the nature of my next book (beekeeping!), I have decided to dust off some old videos of me and my dad doing beekeeping things over the years. Now, this is going to be both embarrassing for me and nostalgic, and I am very much looking forward to it.

The first video is of me and Dad playing with a swarm before catching it. It includes sticking our hands in the swarm and getting stung. I was 19 or 20 in this video, and although you can't see it, I was not wearing shoes. Unless flipflops count as shoes, which I'm pretty sure they don't.

This is a bad habit that I have carried with me into my slightly older age. Eventually, Dad will scold me enough times that I feel compelled to wear shoes in his apiary.

The video is 8 minutes long, but the good bits are at 0:05, 0:58, 2:35, 5:15, 6:14, and 7:28. 

Enjoy :)

The Trials and Tribulations of Rutherford the Unicorn Sheep

rutherford-and-wilfred-in-a-hive

I recently came out with my first children's book: Rutherford the Unicorn Sheep Goes to the Beach. Cute, say the people that have picked one up so far (get your copy here!).

Well, last weekend I headed out to beautiful Western NY to do the photo shoot for the next book in progress: Rutherford the Unicorn Sheep... something to do with Beekeeping. It was fun, if tiring. I like hanging out with my parents, and of course I love doing bees with my Dad. But I encountered some difficulties I certainly didn't expect. 

1. My first batch of photos were entirely overexposed. Talk about stressful. I went back to the house after an hour and a half in the bee yard with some supposedly great photos, and sad, sad day, most of them looked like this: 

rutherford-is-overexposed

Very distressing. However, during the second half of the day, I fixed the issue and proceeded with much higher quality photos.

Lesson Learned: Buy a better camera and take some photography classes.

2. It was extremely hot. Now, I've worn a bee suit plenty of times in my life, but when you stop the work to take photos of everything that is happening, everything takes twice as long. This means wearing the bee suit for twice as long, not being able to drink water as often (due to the hat and veil), and still having to finish work despite the fact that you've been working all day. 

My Dad deserves a shout out at this point, for putting up with all my shenanigans, being patient and letting me taking a bajillion pictures of everything that was happening while I was simultaneously being less than helpful to him.

I got some great action shots of Dad looking all beekeeper-y.

I got some great action shots of Dad looking all beekeeper-y.

Slightly warm would be an understatement, literally melting would be an overstatement.

Slightly warm would be an understatement, literally melting would be an overstatement.

We ended up getting a bunch of work done in the beeyard and also harvesting something like 50 pounds of honey. Not a huge amount, but still worthwhile. Plus it was gorgeous, light locust honey.

Lesson Learned: Drink more water and don't take pictures while doing bees in the middle of a hot summer day in a full bee suit.

3. I got stung. This is to be expected, when doing bees, particularly when you're like me and rather careless. I wore flipflops and one bee crawled up my pants and got me smack on the leg. The other one was an accident--I was balancing to take a picture and lost my balance and put my hand right down on a bee. Poor girl.

Bee stings are an interesting thing. There is a general sort of tension or fear of getting stung--even as someone who has been around bees my whole life--but once I got stung that second time, the tension completely went away. My dad says it goes away for him after the third sting, and he's been a beekeeper for decades.

This is the stinger that I pulled out of my leg. Pretty cool, huh? 

This is the stinger that I pulled out of my leg. Pretty cool, huh? 

One time, when we were taking a colony out of a house, I got stung eleven times, but only the first three hurt. Apparently, I built up a temporary immunity to the venom. That's a nice feature of being a non-allergic human when you're harassing a well-built colony for hours. The swelling for my stings went down within a few hours, and the itching was gone by the end of the next day.

Lesson Learned: wear socks and shoes while beekeeping.

4. Skunks like to eat bees. This was definitely a problem. In addition to his hyper and excitable personality, I had to work extremely hard to prevent Wilfred the Walnut Skunk from eating every bee he came across. The Beekeeper was a great help in this regard, as Wilfred holds a great deal of respect for someone that can manage so many delicious snacks at once without giving into the temptation to binge. The Beekeeper assured him that he doesn't feel this particular urge, although bee venom is particularly banana-y, but Wilfred didn't really get it. Which is good, as it helped keep him in line.

At the end of the day, after Wilfred the Walnut Skunk had behaved himself, the Beekeeper did let him eat one drone. This was a huge treat, and the Beekeeper didn't mind as the drones are mostly useless.

wilfred-the-walnut-skunk-eats-a-bee

He enjoyed the snack a great deal.

Lesson Learned: Don't take skunks into the bee yard.

5. I drove 8 hours for the photo shoot. Normally I try to combine trips like this with trips just to visit, but this time it didn't work out as I plan on releasing this book on September 19 at the Honey Harvest Open House in Howard, NY (put that on your calendar) and needed to move up my schedule. So I ended up driving 8 hours on a Tuesday afternoon, working in the bee yard for 1 day, and then leaving the next morning to drive back to NH. It was a loooong 3 days.

On the other hand, June is the absolute best time to visit upstate NY. Everything is green, the clouds are stunning, it's warm but not hot, cool but not cold, and generally the people are in a much better mood than any other time of year. Bonus plus: wild strawberries! Dad and I picked a few handfuls, and then my wonderful Grandma Sieling gave me 2 quarts of homegrown strawberries to take home with me. Double bonus plus: DUCKS! I love ducks.

clouds-in-western-ny
ariele-with-rutherford-hand-bees
ariele-with-four-ducks
strawberry-smoothies-for-the-win

It was definitely worth it.

Lesson Learned: Plan my business trips better and make time to have fun. 

Stay tuned for the release of the next Rutherford book - something about how he gets to go visit a beekeeper and meet bees! Or, you can see more sneak peek photos on Rutherford's own blog!

Click here to get blog posts (about cats, the universe, and everything) delivered to your inbox weekly!

Cat Memes from A to Z

It's Friday, so I'm going spend the next hour compiling a list of cat memes that in some way or another represent each letter of the alphabet, interspersed with some of the best, most relevant musical numbers from Phineas and Ferb. I came up with this idea in the middle of the night last night--I was dreaming about cats and the alphabet, so, good for me unconscious self.

And with no further ado...

A is for Airplane.

And for some in-flight entertainment.... Phineas and Ferb!

And for some in-flight entertainment.... Phineas and Ferb!

B is for Butter. And Biscuits. And Belly Rubs.

butter-cat-meme
belly-rub-cat-meme

C is for Carl.

I know someone else named Carl.

I know someone else named Carl.

D is for Dog.

A Platypus would be another useful pet.

A Platypus would be another useful pet.

E is for Elephant.

cat-elephant-meme

F is for Fast.

running-cat-meme

G is for Grills. And Grandparents.

cat-grill-stuck-meme
Grandparents are the best. 

Grandparents are the best

H is for Haters.

haters-cat-meme

I is for Invisible.

invisible-bike-cat-meme

J is for Jumping.

jumping-cat-meme-1
jumping-cat-meme-4
jumping-cat-meme-2
jumping-cat-meme-3

K is for Keyboard.

keyboard-cat-meme

L is for Loaf.

loaf-cat-meme

M is for Meow. And Mere Cat.

meow-cat-meme
mere-cat-meme

N is for Ninja.

Already too late is right...

Already too late is right...

O is for Orange.

orange-cat-meme
orange-cat-meme-2

P is for Pie.

mittens-pie-cat-meme

Q is for Quantum Mechanics.

schrodinger-cat-meme
schrodinger-cat-meme-3
schrodinger-cat-meme-2
schrodinger-cat-meme-4

R is for the Red Dot. 

Other red things include apples, clown noses, and rubber boots.

Other red things include apples, clown noses, and rubber boots.

red-dot-cat-meme-3
red-dot-cat-meme-2
red-dot-cat-meme-2

S is for Shoes.

More importantly, do the shoes have aglets?

More importantly, do the shoes have aglets?

T is for Tacos.

taco-cat-meme

U is for Universe.

Phineas and Ferb go to space, make a moon farm, have a milkshake bar on an asteroid, help save aliens...

Phineas and Ferb go to space, make a moon farm, have a milkshake bar on an asteroid, help save aliens...

V is for Victorian. And Volume.

victorian-cat-meme
volume-cat-meme

W is for Wet.

wet-cat-meme

X is for X-Rays.

xray

Y is for You.

you-cat-meme

Z is for Zombies.

zombie-cat-meme

In conclusion, adopt a cat and you will have cool internet pictures and an awesome roommate.

Click here to get blog posts (about cats, the universe, and everything) delivered to your inbox weekly!

adopt-a-cat-meme