Dreamy or Steamy: Ariele's Reading Expedition into the Romance Genre

For the past year, I’ve been reading romance novels. Not exclusively, of course, but I’d say about 80% of the books I’ve read have been romance.

I always used to be the type of person who said, “Oh, I don’t mind romance, but I’m not a romance reader.” I still kind of feel that way, however, my overall perspective has greatly changed.

I should probably start from the beginning, though.

As you know, I have a series of fairy tale retellings set in space (Rove City). Most fairytales, especially modern retellings, are typically considered romances. The majority of the Disney princesses, for example, are main characters in romance stories, though they have been branching out somewhat in recent years.

After writing the fifth and sixth stories in my series, I started to feel a bit like I had no idea what I was doing. Writing romance that is believable, balances the right amount of tension with the right amount of steam, and progresses at the right pace while blending in a separate storyline at the same time is no joke. And I felt like I wanted to learn to do it better. I also wanted to figure out how to string romantic tension through a whole series, and while there were lots of books on writing romance specifically, I couldn’t find anything focused on a series-level.

So, I decided that I should learn from the best: romance writers.

And now, one year and roughly 150 romance novels later, I suddenly find I have a lot of opinions lol.

I had two types of questions I was asking as I went into this project:

  1. What are these writers actually doing with language, structure, characterization, etc. that makes their work different from non-writers? How do they do it?

  2. Am I really “not a romance reader” or have I just not found the right sub-genre of romance that fits my taste?

I have answers to both of those questions now and a lot more, and I’m going to detail them at length here, simply because I can. I also want to qualify here that I am not coming at this “from the perspective of a writer” or “from the perspective of a reader” but as both. I’m both of those things, and I’m beyond the point of being able to separate those two parts of my self.

Without further ado, my opinions.

1. Romance the genre is huge.

So like, I knew this. It’s a billion dollar industry, right? Lots of people write in it, lots of people read in it. But it’s not just huge, it’s gargantuan, both from a money perspective and a breadth perspective. Literally every possible other genre exists in romance, and as far as I can tell, romance is in every other genre.

I made somewhat of a mistake when I first started this project. I didn’t know where the best place to dip in my toe was, so because I like scifi and fantasy, I decided “paranormal” sounded like a good place. [Cue laugh.] Yeah. I definitely managed to jump into the steamy end of the pool right out of the gate.

Which, of course, then made Amazon recommendations full of steam. It took me a while to get out of, to be honest, but I figured out pretty quickly that rather than starting with paranormal, I should start with other fairy tale retellings, since that’s what I was writing. So I pivoted, and things got a little better for me.

That’s one of the first things you should know about me personally: I definitely prefer the less steamy end of things.

But as I was browsing, I made it my goal to try a little of everything. I read paranormal and fairytale, as I said, but I also read contemporary, billionaire, sci-fi romance, romantic fantasy, LGBTQ+, rom com, historical from various periods including regency, romantic suspense, YA, even one erotica and a secret baby (who knew such a thing existed!).

It was an education. Mostly I learned that I will never ever fully understand the breadth and depth of the romance genre because it is already enormous and growing every day.

2. Language matters.

One of the first things that jumped out at me was language. The ratio of suggestiveness to steam is really important, because it keys the reader into exactly how much steam is (should) be in the book (or series) right from the get-go.

The more suggestive the language, the longer and more detailed the sex scenes were likely to be. The less suggestive the language, the shorter they were, or more likely to be fade to black.

I’m now at the point where I can usually tell from the meet-cute how steamy the book will be, without having read the blurb or the reviews. And the thing is, if the suggestive language and the scenes themselves don’t align, it feels off. It’s either empty feeling or a shock to the system.

As a writer, I think this is really important. It means I now have a specific set of guidelines for exactly what type of language I should be using based on what types of scenes I might include. As a reader, it means I can tell pretty early on whether or not I should put a book down.

So for example, in a sweeter romance where there’s only a single kissing scene, the main character will notice things like the love interest’s eyes, their hands, their hair, their smile. The steamier it gets, the lower their attention falls—chest, stomach, butt, etc. In sweet books, the character never imagines anything beyond a kiss; in steamy books, the character imagines exactly what they they get later in the scenes, minus about ten percent. But the key is: they never visualize more than what they get.

3. The way authors describe their books is a mess.

To be fair here, I don’t think this is any different than any other genre, and I do think romance is better at this than other genres. I’ve also seen some authors have started listing tropes, providing content warnings, etc. to try to help clear things up. But the word “steamy” doesn’t really mean anything anymore. I picked up so many books labeled as “steamy” that were sweet or X, that it got to the point where I had to look at tropes and be like “is that a steamy trope or a sweet trope?”, and honestly, it was a lot of work.

I think the problem is that everyone thinks about romance novels on sort of a linear spectrum. Like, how “steamy” it is depends on how much sex is in it. But steam isn’t only about sex. It’s also about emotional tension. It’s about how much work the characters have to do to be together. I think it’s more of a 2-dimensional problem, and as such I think we need more words to describe it.

I know this has been a discussion in the romance community, but I came up with my own system. This is how I would do it if I were the boss of everybody, which I’m not lol. And also, my labeling could probably use some work. But here’s a rough draft of my suggestion:

For those of you who can’t read my handwriting, here’s what you’re looking at: it’s basically a graph or a chart. The x-axis is the steam axis, or the sexual tension in the novel. I posited that on the far left, you have nothing… it’s just not romance. But as you move to the right, you start on the sweeter end with kissing scenes or fade-to-black sex scenes at most; then you slowly increase in number of sex scenes or related scenes (hand jobs, BJs, etc.). As I said before, the type of language used to describe stuff would also heat up, using more and more suggestiveness.

On the y-axis, I have relationship tension. Again, it starts at 0 with no relationship, but as you move up, my thought is that the barriers to the couple getting together increase. On the sweeter end, both characters want to be together, but it’s the self that stands in the way (of one or both characters); then as you move up, there are external barriers that might be “we live on different continents” or “we’re different species” or “we’re assassins who have been hired to kill each other”; and then at the top, you have ideological barriers which are deeply held beliefs reinforced by the external world, such as “I love you but you’re evil” or “we are from different religions” or “we’re fighting on opposite sides of this war.” At the top I thought would be the darkest stuff, like “we don’t consent to being together” but I’m entirely not sure about that.

Then I broke it out, with the idea that most romance novels could be plotted on the chart, and gave the different sections categories. Some you will recognize, like sweet and erotica (though, I might actually put erotica in place of hot tamale, but I dunno because I’ve only read one lol). But with a new set of labels, writers could say “high tension and low sex, means my book is roasting” or whatever.

Anyway, the way we label and talk about books is really confusing in general, and I’d love to see some more complex approaches to it developed, and I think the romance genre has a lot of potential for much cleaner categorization.

4. There’s a clear difference between a romantic subplot and a romantic main plot, but also sometimes not.

As part of my journey, I read a book called Romancing the Beat by Gwen Hayes. In this book, Hayes outlines the high-level beats of a typical romance novel. It goes roughly something like:

  • Attraction

  • Something keeps them apart

  • First yes moment

  • Conflict worsens

  • Getting to know each other

  • They decide it can’t work and leave each other (dark night of the soul)

  • They solve problem and get back together

  • Resolution/Denouement

The way I understood it from Romancing the Beat, is that there are basically two requirements for it to be a romance: there has to be a happy ending, and the characters both have to choose to end their relationship during the dark night of the soul moment before they get back together for good.

I’ve read plenty of scifi and fantasy novels where the characters don’t choose to be separated. They might be ripped away from each other unwillingly, and they might not break up at all! I think in these cases, the romance would be considered a subplot, and the reason is because the climactic moment of the narrative is not about the relationship. It’s about something else entirely.

To me, this is the key between a book that is a romance, and a book with a romantic subplot. What is the point of the climactic moment? Is it the characters overcoming whatever it is that keeps them apart? If so, it’s the main plot. Or is it saving the world or defeating the big bad or whatever? If so, it’s a subplot.

Now, I say this, because I think in most cases this is a clear differentiator. And let me be the first to say, obviously controversially, that in the Court of Thorns and Roses series, the romance is a subplot. The books aren’t about the main character’s relationship, they’re about defeating that evil lady and fighting the war (sorry it’s been a while so I don’t remember all the details lol). The subplot is definitely steamy, though.

But there are some books where the romance and the other plot are inextricable from each other. I think a common example of this are fantasy arranged marriage tropes, where the two characters have to create some sort of emotional bond that enables them to trust each other, and the whole fate of the world (external plot) depends on their trust. So it’s not always clear cut.

I thought the Bridge Kingdom by Danielle Jenson or the Loom Trilogy by Elise Kova were examples of the less clear-cut option, if you’re trying to figure out what I’m talking about.

It might be worth it to have a third differentiator, in cases like these. Romantic main plot, romantic subplot, and romantic braid plot? I dunno, I’m just making things up here haha.

5. I want more Relator romances. And older characters.

Those of you who know me, know I’ve been interested in the Clifton Strengths personality system as of late (#1 Achiever, #2 Intellection, #3 Strategic, #4 Ideation, #5 Learner, #6 Input, #7 Relator). My only relationship strength is Relator, which basically means I’m good at getting to know someone one-on-one.

Here is what my Clifton Strengths report says about me: “You naturally form genuine and mutually rewarding one-on-one relationships. Your authenticity allows you to build close, long-lasting connections that foster trust and confidence.”

For me, this is particularly true of romances. Fun fact about me, my shortest dating relationship was one month, and I was friends with the guy in question for over a year before we started dating (dating was a bad idea lol, we should’ve stayed friends). I would rather not be in a relationship at all than be in a short lived, emotionally fraught one, and I spent years of my single life unattached and happy about it.

But many romance novels focus on people falling in love in excruciatingly short time periods. Three days. A week. Three weeks. And I totally get that this is something readers enjoy. I’m not suggesting anyone stop writing these books. I just would like to see more of the books where the relationship is long. Where they get to know each other over a period of time, do stuff together, work together, before they profess love or, you know, do all the other stuff.

I also have begun to get frustrated with main characters who are 18 years old. I obviously am a big scifi and fantasy fan, so I like scifi and fantasy plots, but it’s 2022! Most people aren’t getting married until their late 20s anymore, but many books are full of 18 - 20 year olds who get thrown into a relationship with a 200 year old fae or who suddenly discover they have magical powers or who get dragged into a world of magic because of their identity.

I recently read one about a 20-year-old who get dragged into competing in this magical competition. But later into the story, we learned that the competition only happens every few generations. She easily could have been 25 or 30 or 50 or whatever—but she was 20. The story was entertaining though (I just upped her age in my head, which is what I usually do), but like, this is just a plea for fantasy & fairytale writers to consider the age of your character. We get to make whatever rules we want in our stories, so let’s make some older characters.

And I do really prefer romantic subplots to main plots. I don’t like the moment when the two characters walk away from each other in the Romancing the Beat plot structure, at least not the way a lot of books handle it. It stresses me out. As a Relator, if I’ve invested enough time and energy into someone to develop the kind of relationship most characters have in the novels, and I decide that it won’t work and am willing to walk away, I don’t come back. There were a few books I read where it was done smoothly and logically enough that it didn’t stress me out, but most of the time, particularly in contemporary novels, I didn’t enjoy it.

So there you have it: my personal preferences lol. I want older characters in slow, extended relationships as subplots in a sci-fi or fantasy world.

And before anyone patronizingly says, “Why don’t you write them, Ariele?” you should know I’m already working on it. But I also want to read some. And it’s very different reading your own work than reading someone else’s.

List of Books I Enjoyed

In conclusion, I have to say that I was pretty impressed by the books I read. Most of them were high quality, well edited, engaging stories with interesting characters and intriguing plots. And in fact, since I’m in a generous mood, I’ll list out a few that I enjoyed. It’ll only be a fraction of the books I read, and I’m not going to claim these were the best, because ranking them is too hard. But maybe you’ll find something you’ll like.

Typically, I leaned toward fantasy and fairytale retelling, on the sweet end with up to one sex milder scene. I enjoyed slower burn (those are the closest to Relators I can find) subplots with smart main characters. I also enjoyed the sweeter end of regency books more than I anticipated, and a couple rom coms. (Caveat: these are my own personal preferences! I am under no illusions that my preferences are “correct” or even that my preferences reflect those of other romance readers! They are mine and mine alone.)

Here are a few titles in no particular order, if you’re inclined to check them out (also, I refrained from adding titles from any of my friends, so no favoritism):

  • The Elf Tangent by Lindsey Buroker

  • The Bridge Kingdom by Danielle Jenson

  • Theodora by Christina McKnight

  • Love Handles by Gretchen Galway

  • Falling for a Rake by Eve Pendle

  • The Loom Trilogy by Elise Kova

  • The Daragh Deception by Kenley Davidson

  • Spellbound After Midnight by Jenna Collett

  • The Scarlett Princess by Robin D Mahle and Elle Madison

  • Fair Isle by Tessonja Odette

  • Beneath the Citadel by Destiny Soria

  • Prince of the Doomed City by Sylvia Mercedes

  • The Strange Case of the Alchemist’s Daughter by Theodora Goss

  • Ash by Melinda Lo

There you have it! If you have any thoughts on my observations, feel free to comment below. And if you’re interested in my work, feel free to sign up for my newsletter for regular updates!