My best friend is having a baby next month. I have named him Chainsaw. I think it is a beautiful name, perfectly suited to a child of his stature and upbringing. I'm sure it will stick. Even on the birth certificate and everything.

As a result of the upcoming event, I have been doing a lot of reading up on babies and parenthood and all of that stuff and I have learned that it is quite difficult to be a parent, while apparently quite rewarding. It is very messy and very beautiful. It is not the same for everyone. Every kid is different. Every parent is different. Every situation is different. Being a parent means you have to keep on your toes, always be adapting to new and unexpected situations, but always be consistent and fair...

Anyway. There's a lot of stuff to learn. Luckily I'm not the one that has to learn it.

I've heard the story of my birth about a bajillion times, and the story of Josh's a couple of times, and I've heard other people's stories. There's something about the baby years that make people talk and relive those moments over and over, despite the stress and mess and fuss. But I don't remember it myself. I'll have to take notes when Chainsaw arrives. But that means that all of my thoughts come from a non-baby human perspective.

What I think is that babies can be quite hilarious.

Here are 10 things I have learned about babies during my research. After I've spent a little time with Chainsaw, I will probably update this. But, here's what I've got for now: