Today I bring you the first segment of my epic poem: The Tupperware King. I offer no other explanations or apologies. Enjoy it or don't.
The Tupperware King
Have you heard of the Tupperware king?
Who hangs containers from the ceiling?
With a plastic scepter and a plastic crown,
He is the mightiest ruler around.
Each day his knights set out on a quest
To prove to their ruler that they are the best
And return in the evening with a treasure so grand:
The lids to Tupperware from all over the land.
But there is one knight more brave than the rest
Who proudly wears the king’s own crest.
The Tupperware Prince and his plastic sword
Bring honor to the king by increasing the hoard.
Each day the Tupperware Prince sets out
And chooses the absolutely most dangerous route
To find the biggest and brightest and best
By fighting the thief called the Tupperware Pest.
The Tupperware Pest is a pain and a gnat
Destroying all Tupperware wherever it’s at
This dragon of lore, so big and so mean
Hides with its loot, and has kidnapped the queen.
One day the Tupperware Prince chose north,
And through the Black Forest he traveled forth
Until overhead the sky darkened dim
And he saw the visage of the Pest - ever grim.
The Tupperware Pest flapped its wings in the sky,
And the Tupperware Prince felt scared as a pie
About to be consumed by a ravenous man.
So he and his steed quickly turned and ran.
But what he felt next was guilt and shame,
For his poor lovely mother needed him to reclaim
Her freedom and hope from the villainous Pest,
So the Prince turned and ran back towards the nest.
What happened next was a feat to behold
The Prince and his steed, so upright and bold
Yelled at the Pest, “You foul untold!
You deserve to die, you deserve a big scold!”
The Tupperware Pest was surprised and alarmed
To see the Tupperware Prince thusly armed
With a plastic sword and words of steel
For a moment he felt a small bit of fear.
But then he laughed at the ridiculous Prince
He was so small, so easily minced
The Pest took a breath and let out a roar
And the Prince flinched slightly and braced for more.
Then without another thought, the Prince pulled out a surprise,
The most recent treasure, a one-of-a-kind prize:
A circular Tupperware lid coloured red
And he threw it as hard as he could from his stead.
The Tupperware Pest’s eyes opened wide
As he saw this miraculous prize flung aside
And he leaped towards it, his hunger aglow
As the Prince slipped inside the cave of his foe.
Standing in front of the door was his mother,
With tears in her eyes, she ran over to smother
Him with hugs and kisses galore,
While he tried in vain to drag her to the door.
“Mother, please,” he said, “It’s time we must go,
Before the beast returns with his eyes all aglow.”
“Of course, my dear son,” his mother replied,
“I’m right behind you - let’s go outside.”
The two climbed atop of his horse
And the Tupperware Prince set an admirable course
Straight back towards the place of his home
Where the Tupperware King waited on his throne.
And the people all cheered as the Prince rode through town
And the Queen waved her hand and smiled down
Until she reached the palace’s gates
Where she ran to the throne where her King awaited.
And that’s where we leave them, the Tupperware King,
and his Prince and his Queen and the realm in between,
With containers above and the Pest roaming round,
They lived happily after in the Tupperware Town.
