How I Feel About Dieting--A Cat Meme Story

There are three things you should know about today: 

food-cat-meme
  1. It's Friday.
  2. I'm on a diet.
  3. I don't feel like doing real work.

So, as a result, I am going to write a blog post that is fun, filled with cat memes, and filled with food. So, as most of you probably feel, dieting sucks. Why? Because in the over-fooded culture we live in, we like to eat. So when we deprive ourselves of this thing called "eating" (for any reason--medical, vanity, or otherwise) it makes us grumpy.

Very, very grumpy. But grumpy is cute, right?

Very, very grumpy. But grumpy is cute, right?

Making that decision--to go on a diet--isn't easy, as we all know. In fact, "starting a diet tomorrow" can very easily turn into "starting a diet in three years... or four years... or when you're dead."

Maybe, instead of a weight loss diet, we should put the doors on a weight gain diet.

Maybe, instead of a weight loss diet, we should put the doors on a weight gain diet.

Some struggle with dieting laziness. After all, breaking habits is hard. "But laziness should help!" you say. "Just don't make food at all!" If only it were that easy. But even people on diets get hungry and also like the taste of food. So what's the easiest solution? Dominoes. Hot Pockets. Chips. Other carbs. 

The Dominoes App is amazing.

The Dominoes App is amazing.

So then you just have to quit buying snacks or only buying "healthy" (what does that word even mean?) snacks to munch on. At least it's slightly-healthier-than-Dominoes-or-Hot-Pockets-food.

Ugh it's the worst. When you're just a little hungry but your only two options are "nothing" and "a fully prepared meal that will take at least an hour."

Ugh it's the worst. When you're just a little hungry but your only two options are "nothing" and "a fully prepared meal that will take at least an hour."

Starting out is exciting: "I'm going to improve myself SO MUCH!" The beneficent grocery store bestows so many wonderful, goal-achieving green stuff that we all know tastes bland at best. But soon, we will look like whoever it is we're trying to look like.

You and me both, cat.

You and me both, cat.

Then Day 2 rolls around...

food-cat-meme-day-two
I like to cuddle with my cake. Cake is such a good cuddler.

I like to cuddle with my cake. Cake is such a good cuddler.

And Day 3 you tried to recuperate what you lost...

Yum. Rats.

Yum. Rats.

And Day 4...

What is a diet if you don't fall off the wagon at least every other day?

What is a diet if you don't fall off the wagon at least every other day?

Maybe someone tries to help you out. They say no when you ask them to get you a snack, or steal your wallet so you can't hit up Pizza Hut.

cat-meme-get-my-own-damn-food

Your stomach growls every morning, early, waking you up and begging for attention.

cat-meme-food-o-clock

Everyone else's food looks soooooooooo good....

fat-cat-meme-tuna-sandwich

You can't stop thinking about food. Ever.

cat-meme-food-bacon-burger-heavy-breathing-cat
You even begin to consider cannibalism (okay, well, maybe not, but it's a good thing they don't make bacon cologne.)

You even begin to consider cannibalism (okay, well, maybe not, but it's a good thing they don't make bacon cologne.)

And then, something happens. It's out of your control. You just can't say no to the most wonderful people you've ever met... you colleagues, your friends, your soul mates, the random human/alien you met on the street...

I have no idea what AK is. Arkansas? 

I have no idea what AK is. Arkansas? 

And the next morning your significant catches you not being on a diet any more.

cat-food-meme-pancakes-i-regret-nothing

And they're fine with it. They were tired of seeing this face every day.

cat-meme-foods-give-me-them

And this face: 

cat-meme-food-calico-bring-me-my-food

Besides, we all know...

cat-meme-food-not-fat-fluffy

Can't get enough cat memes? Try reading Cat Memes from A to Z, The Cat Feet Sonnet, or The Coworker Sonnet (which is about cats). Otherwise, have a great weekend, humans!

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*All memes were found on Google searching "food cat memes" and "diet cat memes" on July 24, 2015.

Beekeeping Things: Peter and Ariele Catch a Late Swarm [Video Series]

honey-bee-comb-fish-meme

I'm at it again! Beekeeping videos! This one was taken last year towards the end of August, as I helped my Dad catch a swarm that had been up in a tree long enough to make comb, while simultaneously asking a series of questions that demonstrate my ignorance of beekeeping. Late swarms have decreased chances of surviving the winter, as the colony hasn't had the entire summer to stock up on honey. With the help of a beekeeper, however, their chances jump back up again.

It's this time of year when I miss living close to Dad. This week he's already caught 3 swarms, and who knows how many more are waiting for the beekeeper of their dreams to ride in on a white horse and sweep them off of their tree branch. I could be helping. Instead, I'm writing blog posts about bees. Although, that's fun too.

"So why not get your own hive, Ariele?" you ask.

Simple.

beekeeping-boromir-meme

In the meantime, while I contemplate the best strategy for acquiring my first hives (step 1: move out of downtown, silly), I will share old beekeeping videos with you.

Camp Nano: I'm Too Sexy For My Shirt

In case you all didn't know, I'm doing Camp Nano - July. It's been difficult, I will admit, as you can see from my stats. But this time around, I have an interesting observation.

writing-meme-the-office

Have you ever noticed that what you write is similar to what you read? For example, when I read a lot of Terry Pratchett, a lot more absurdity and eccentric details pour out of my head while I'm writing in big chunks (like for Nano). Or if I read a lot of news articles before I start writing, my writing becomes a little more formal and to the point. Or if I read memes or bad jokes, then my characters end up making an unnecessarily large number of awful puns that I later have to remove.

One day, when I have more time than I currently do, I plan to test this theory with a series specific reading and writing assignments. For now, however, I have to just assume it works because I rarely have time to do enough reading to keep up with my writing goals.

Unfortunately,  today's writing session will be sponsored by: 

to-sexy-for-grumpy-cat

Sometimes weird things just play in my head, over and over and over and over.

All that said, coming up with ideas and knowing how to phrase things are two different concepts, and both equally difficult for different reasons.

Are you struggling with phrasing? Try reading some of these memes. Maybe they'll help (this is mostly just wishful thinking--like all other forms of procrastination). 

write-all-the-things-meme
writing-meme-boromir
writing-meme-invent-words

Are you struggling with ideas? Try XKCD's emoji 8-ball and write your whole book using nothing but emoji (also a terrible idea, but an excellent way to procrastinate).

Whatever your preferred method for procrastination (cough cough) I mean writing, there is no doubt about this: 

#campnano #nanowrimo #amwriting #notwriting #mostinterestingmanintheworld

#campnano #nanowrimo #amwriting #notwriting #mostinterestingmanintheworld

The Coworker Sonnet

Today I was chatting online complaining about current coworkers. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE--this is a joke because I don't have any... because I freelance... because I work from home in my living room... ANYWAY, the only coworkers I have are my cats.

And I said, "you have coworkers, I have coworkers, and we all have to deal." Which made my friend online laugh: "hahahahaha."

And that made me think: I bet the things I love about my coworkers are the same things other people love about theirs:

 So I wrote a sonnet. You can read some of my other sonnets, if you're interested, about Cat Feet and Umbrellas. And never fear--there will be many more sonnets!

Coworker Sonnet

Coworkers, I love you more than bagels
Covered with stale cream cheese; I love how you
Stare at me from underneath the table,
And every day beg for bits of my food.

I love you, coworker, when you’re outside
The door, pleading for me to let you in
Because you lost your key; I don’t know why—
You will just want to go back out again.

And when you tap my arm so soft and sweet
I know that something foul is amuck
But still I offer you a fricking treat
Or else I know I’m just a sitting duck.

Coworker, I give your head a nice pat
I know you’re just a needy, hungry cat.

Here are my coworkers having their lunch break. They like to discuss food at lunch.

Here are my coworkers having their lunch break. They like to discuss food at lunch.

The whole team brainstorms how to solve the squirrel problem.

The whole team brainstorms how to solve the squirrel problem.

Rowan stays up late nights guarding the offices from the elusive Mr. Mustache.

Rowan stays up late nights guarding the offices from the elusive Mr. Mustache.

Here, coworker Wilfred and I work on getting the Cuddle Project completed by the deadline.

Here, coworker Wilfred and I work on getting the Cuddle Project completed by the deadline.

Here Goblin works on what we like to call the "Fur Rug Project" or FRP for short.

Here Goblin works on what we like to call the "Fur Rug Project" or FRP for short.

Here, coworker Goblin gets some very important filing done.

Here, coworker Goblin gets some very important filing done.

Goblin and I discuss priorities for moving into the next quarter.

Goblin and I discuss priorities for moving into the next quarter.

My coworker, Wilfred, does his best thinking upside down.

My coworker, Wilfred, does his best thinking upside down.

Do You Always Look This Good Or Did You Planet?

In case anyone didn't already know this, I love puns. I also love space. So today seems like a good day to write about Pluto and the #PlutoFlyBy.

pluto-new-horizons-meme

The New Horizons Spacecraft has been on course for Pluto for 9 years. That is a long time. I already wrote a little bit about what that means for us less-than-scientific folk, so today I'm going to focus more on celebrating how awesome this is.

 Today, a momentous day in history, New Horizons has arrived at the long-awaited Pluto and has shut down communications with Earth while it photographs the momentous occasion.

Today is a first in many ways. It is the first time humans have explored a world so far away. It is the first time we have had a spacecraft get so close to Pluto. And the US is the first country to reach Pluto. 

I think the NASA Administrator Charles Bolden said it nicely: 

"The exploration of Pluto and its moons by New Horizons represents the capstone event to 50 years of planetary exploration by NASA and the United States. Once again we have achieved a historic first. The United States is the first nation to reach Pluto, and with this mission has completed the initial survey of our solar system, a remarkable accomplishment that no other nation can match."

I, for one, am thrilled to see what data New Horizons starts sending back in a few hours. 

In celebration of this momentous occasion, this a capella genius (Tim) redid Uptown Funk much, much, much better. It is amazing and dance-worthy. Check it out, and don't forget to tell everyone you know: New Horizons has finally reached Pluto!