Build Your Summer Reading List with Ducks

It's summer!  Time to get a move on with that summer reading list! What else are you going to do with the beautiful clear blue skies, the warm breezes, and the brand new hammock in your back yard? 

I, for one, have been making the most of the beautiful weather. I'm reading one book (a doorstopper fantasy) while at the gym, another book (educational) while on my lunch break, and a variety of other books (fun fiction) whenever I can fit in reading in the rest of the time.

But maybe you don't know where to get started this year. Let me help you out. There are as many different types of books as there are ducks (trust me, I know). There are also a multitude of excellent books that were published last year. I'm going to give you a handful of ones I enjoyed. (And I promise not to start with my books, though I can't promise there won't be at least one mention).

Type of Book #1: Hilarious

Think of each of these ducks as a horde of gold. If I purchase one, and then send a raiding party to go get it, how many ducks will fly at their faces angrily?

We all need a good laugh now and again--in fact, I hear it's good for you. So a hilarious beach read might just help you relax.

We begin with Orconomics by J Zachary Pike. A homeless dwarf befriends a Goblin, and as a result gets selected to team up with a raiding party that is sent off on an impossible quest. This book satires global economics through the buying and selling of monster hoards. Although I read this book last summer, it sticks in the mind as a fun romp, and I recommend you check it out, especially if you enjoy fantasy books, video games, or LARPing.

Type of Book #2: Dark

There tend to be a lot of thugs in dystopian societies.

Sometimes the sun is too bright, and the air is too hot and muggy, and even though it's still summer, we kind of want to go back into our caves. In this case, dark, dystopian literature should be quite appealing.

My next pick is The Internal Defense Series, by Zoe Cannon. The most recent book, No Return, was released last year, but I recommend starting with Book 1, The Torturer's Daughter. The series follows the life of a young woman named Becca, who is struggling to understand her own traitorous mind in a world where saying the wrong thing automatically labels you as a dissident, or terrorist. Ideas are the most powerful thing in this world, and ideas are the one thing she shouldn't be having. Will she have the courage to do what's right in a world where what's right is wrong and what's wrong is right?

I know the answer to this question, but I shan't give away any spoilers. Go check it out. A great dystopian read for when life gets a little too happy. 

Type of Book #3: Wibbly Wobbly

...this duck is traveling... in time... right?

Who doesn't love a little time travel? I certainly do. Time travel let's you do something that no other genre does--it lets you visit the whole of history inside the covers of one book. Well, I guess history books do that too, but time travel books are a lot more fun.

The Ruby Red Trilogy by Kerstin Gier is my most recent scifi time traveling choice. A weepy teenage girl cursed with the genetic privilege of randomly being forced back in time whenever her genes decide they want makes for a fun, funny, and fantastic ride. There are three books in the trilogy (and once again I advise you start at the beginning).

Type of Book #4: Fantasy

I'd take that duck too. Looks like a pretty sweet duck.

Life is good, life sucks, life is boring, life is fine--but rarely is life magical. And that's why we have fantasy novels, ladies and gentlemen! Sit back and enjoy a little sorcery and intrigue this summer. Escape from the world of the mundane. Screw normality.

The Elements of Sorcery is Christopher Kellen's newest work. Hobbled together from a series of novellas, this omnibus is a romp through a dark fantasy world from the perspective of the cowardly and sassy Moncrief, who is trying desperately to gain more power, while the Arbiters around him are trying to fix their dying world. It's a little dark, and a bit funny, and filled with sorcery and towers and swords and things. 

Type of Book #5: My Books!

Or maybe I'll take this duck instead. MOM, CAN I HAVE THIS DUCK? ;)

Okay so, maybe "my books" isn't exactly a type of book (or maybe it is, depending on how deep you want your classifications to go), but I think they'd make for a good summer read. I've read them all (gasp! surprise, surprise. no way!), and they're all a bit different. If you're looking for a world-hopping adventure, definitely check out The Wounded World. My two main characters visit all sorts of different planets in that one. 

The Clock Winked is currently ON SALE WOOO, so if you want to check that one out, it's a bit of a lighter book that mostly takes place in a bookstore. A couple of teenagers investigate a centuries old mystery and end up in a lot more trouble than they bargained for.

The Lonely Whelk is my older brother's favourite. I think it's definitely more for the nerdy type. Think: a spaceship traveling close to the speed of light, a few crooks trying to steal a new piece of technology on their home planet, and a magical (NOT, because it's science fiction) connecting of the dots between the two primary settings.

If I had to pick a favourite, I'd probably go for.... I don't even know. The Wounded World. That one. Take it or leave it.

Now, I leave you with one final question: what books will you read this summer?

Camp Nano = Success!

This month I participated in Camp NanoWrimo. This event is similar to the regular NanoWrimo, except that instead of writing 50,000 words in a month, you get to pick your word count. I chose 25,000 words, because I thought that was a reasonable goal, achievable, and it would get me a bit ahead on my current project. Also, since I didn't quite beat Nano last year (for the first time!), I felt like I needed another challenge.

I was less consistent about writing every day than I like to be, but I was able to make up the difference on a regular basis anyway. During Camp, they put you together with a group of other people who are also writing, called your cabin. Our cabin didn't do quite so well.

As you can see, I still have a couple of days left to write, and I very well might. I ended at 25,753 words this morning, and it would be great to get a couple thousand more in before the weekend. After all, the book's not done yet!

But, since I have accomplished so much this month, I'd like to share a little bit of that with you. Without further ado, please welcome the first ever, rough draft excerpt of my next project which is as of yet unnamed: 

     A red splash of ketchup streaked across the vid screen; a bright green grass stain now blossomed across the bottoms of the white curtains, and each shelf in the room boasted one yellow fighter jet. Ripped shirts, a spilled cup of cranberry juice, crayon markings on the walls--it was a work of art, also known as a horrendous mess that needed to be cleaned up in… Jade glanced at the clock. Less than 20 minutes.
     Sighing, Jade sprang to her feet and began to race around the room, grabbing fighter jets and throwing them in the toy bin, squirting the walls with a rather noxious cleaning solution, and slipping the torn shirts into the laundry where hopefully they wouldn't be noticed. She stopped to stare woefully at the grass stains on the curtains--how had that even happened?--and decided to let the maid deal with it. After all, cleaning was their job. Her job was children. 
     A door slammed, and Jade jerked her head up, holding some sort of toy sort awkwardly. She was home. 
     She took a deep breath and surveyed the room. Even though she knew they would hardly notice any mess, she still felt the need for it to be perfect. 
     "Jade!" Natasha's high-pitched voice rang out. "Yoohoo! I'm home!"
     She was home early. Jade flopped into one of the big stuffed living room chairs and responded, "I'm in here!" She hoped that she hadn't missed any major catastrophes in the kitchen or bathroom, but there wasn't much she could do about it at this point.
Natasha sashayed into the room wearing very fitted white jeans, a loose shirt slathered with pink and yellow stripes, and gaudy earrings that hung down to her collarbone. If the loud jangling from her five thousand arm bracelets didn't alert you to her arrival, the blinding glare from the perfectly polished hardware on her designer purse certainly would. 
     "Did I tell you?" Natasha jumped right into her end-of-day storytelling. "Tina 1 went on a second date with that lavish young man she met at the opera last week, and she found out that he actually is an accountant! Can you believe it? That explains the money!" She laughed, a tinkling peal that mimicked a banjo pick pulled over harp strings.
    "Good for her," Jade  exclaimed pleasantly, willing her exhausted body to sit up a little straighter in front of her employer. "Did you have a nice time playing tennis today?"
    "Oh yes! Of course Tiffany B. and Tiffany K. won--they always do--but Tina 1 and I always have more interesting chats!" She fluffed her already fluffy hair and sat down on the couch. "How were my little darlings today?"
     "Angels," Jade responding, inwardly criticizing herself for lying. Unfortunately, she had tried telling the truth a few times, and it only made things more awkward. Of course, how could she think that Natasha's little darlings weren't perfect? They were made from Natasha's DNA after all! "We went to the park, played with fighter jets, and er…" she glanced up, catching another streak of ketchup on the ceiling. "...had hot dogs for lunch. They're at Mike and Tina 2's house right now, playing with their boys."
     "Oh that is just perfect!" Natasha exclaimed. "I am utterly exhausted. Thank you so much for helping out today. Here is a little tip to get you through the week until you get the check. You deserve to relax tonight! Then, in the morning, Todd and I want to have a little chat with you. Say around 9?"
     Jade froze for a moment. A talk? What on earth could this be about? She tried not to panic and put a pleasant smile on her face. "Of course, 9 will be perfect." Then, like a robot, she reached out for the $100 bill that Natasha held out. "Thank you."
     "Alright dear!" Natasha stood with a flourish. "See you in the morning!"
     Through the living room, past the kitchen, and out the side door Jade walked in a fretful worried daze. A faithful employee for three years, she logically deduced that she had nothing to worry about. But what if… what if they found someone else? A long lost relative. A more qualified nanny. A… dingo. Natasha was definitely the type to hire a wild dog to watch her children if there was an article somewhere that recommended it. Jade shook her head, trying to loosen the fear and wildly imaginative scenarios playing out in her head. 
     She entered her abode, a three-room apartment above the garage. It had a massive bedroom with a huge king-size bed and a walk-in closet, a kitchen/living room combo that included a dishwasher and dining room table, and a bathroom with a jetted tub. Just this apartment was worth the terrors of the little children next door. Scratch that. Just this tub was worth the terrors of the little children next door.
     Taking a deep breath, she locked the door behind her, lit some candles, and began to fill the tub. In a few hours, it would all be over and either she would be living on the street (unlikely given the savings from this well-paid gig) or still employed. 
     The hot water was just below scalding and she sighed with relief as she immersed herself. This should be a requirement for all nannying jobs, she thought, particularly when she was responsible for boys like Chase and Wire. Twins, rambunctious, and always ready to rock and roll. She enjoyed her job, but it was exhausting. 
    With that thought, she drifted off into a calm doze.

*****

     The next morning, Jade dressed up a little. It wasn't that she thought they would care what she was wearing, it was that wearing one of her nicer shirts, her skinny jeans, and heels would make her feel more confident. She threw a pair of flats into her purse though, because she had a feeling the boys would be just as wild today as they were yesterday.
    She strolled through the garden between her luxurious nanny's apartment and the massive main house, and waved at the gardener. Leroy was an extremely kind older gentleman who had worked for Natasha's parents before he worked for them. He kept the gardens looking beautiful and he always had something pleasant to say, but Jade had wondered more than once if he also buried bodies on the property.
     When she strolled into the kitchen, she could hear the boys playing a video game in the other room. She sighed inwardly, because whenever Natasha let them play video games in the morning, that was all they wanted to do for the rest of the day and it put them in the mood of little angry badgers.
    Natasha and Todd sat at the table eating bacon and eggs that Rinaldo had cooked, and looked up as Jade walked in. She grimaced a little. 
    "Morning!" she said, trying to sound cheerful and not like the little knots in her stomach were actively trying to convince her to throw up.
    "Oh there you are, dear," Natasha exclaimed, a broad smile washing across her heavily made-up features.
    Todd grunted. 
     "We just had a little something we wanted to ask you." She dabbed at the corner of her mouth with a hideous yellow napkin that matched splendidly with the other hideous yellow things in the kitchen. "Sit down!"
    Jade sat down, feeling a little less nervous. They didn't seem upset or angry.
    "We're going on vacation," Natasha continued without pause.
    Jade let out her breath. That was all. They wanted her to watch the house or keep the kids or something while they were gone. Easy enough. Relief filled every bone.
    "We're going to the Leffington Orbiting Resort on Madsen." 
     Jade's eyebrows shot up. She knew they had money, but this? "Wow."
    "Oh, I know!" Natasha practically glowed. "It's going to be wonderful! An absolutely unforgettable experience. Todd for one can't wait to go no-gravity golfing! They say it's very dangerous!"
    Todd grunted. 
    "Anyway, we'd like you to come with us!"
     Jade's jaw dropped. She was sure she looked like an idiot, just gaping and not saying anything. "You… you…" she took a deep breath, "...want me…?"
     "Well, we were talking about it," Natasha began what was likely to be a very long explanation, "and we thought it would be a great experience for the boys--one they might never have again, in fact! But personally, I would like to enjoy my time in the space station and not have to worry about them running off, getting into things, or just being stressed in general. And we thought, you've been a wonderful nanny, that maybe you would like to go with us! We would of course pay for lodgings and the time spent watching the kids, and we would schedule a few nights off so you could explore the resort as well, but that would allow us to take a family vacation without the stress! Oh, and we also decided to give you an allowance to buy some new things for yourself for the trip--bathing suit, cocktail dress, whatever you need. We don't want this trip to be a burden on your finances."
     A family vacation without the family part, Jade thought wryly to herself, but she was still too shocked by the invitation to dwell on it. 
    "So, will you come?" Natasha grinned at Jade, and Jade knew that she knew that Jade was going to say yes. After all, how could she say no? The phrase, "trip of a lifetime" described it perfectly. 
    "Yes," Jade responded simply. "Just let me know when you want to go."
    "Oh wonderful!" Natasha exclaimed, clapping her hands. "I'm just thrilled, you know. The boys will have so much fun. It's going to be wonderful."
     It crossed her mind then that if she had said no, the boys would be staying here. Jade mentally shook her head. If only she could find a way to communicate to Natasha what it meant to be a family. But that wasn't her job. Her job was to keep the boys alive and happy, and that was what she intended to do.

Happy Birthday, Terry Pratchett

In honor of Sir Terry Pratchett's birthday, I give you my favourite quote from him: 

"The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it."

...an hour and a half later...

The more effort I put into trying to write this post, the sadder I get, so I'm going to keep it short. I have never respected an author more than Terry Pratchett, from his amazing works of fiction to his ability to produce book after book to his fight with Alzheimer's. So, I've collected a few gifs from my favourite moments from the The Colour of Magic and The Light Fantastic movies, and combined them with some great quotes.

Happy Birthday, Sir Terry Pratchett.

"In a distant and second-hand set of dimentsions, in an astral pane that was never meant to fly... see... Great A'Tuin the turtle comes, swimming slowly through the interstellar gulf...He thinks only of the Weight. 

"Most of the weight is of course accounted for by... the four giant elephants upon whose braod and star-tanned shoulders the disc of the World rests, garlanded by the long waterfall at its vast circumference and domed by the baby-blue vault of heaven."

-Terry Pratchett, The Colour of Magic

"The massive wooden chest, which he had last seen resting solidly on the quayside, was following on its master's heels with a gentle rocking gait... there were lots and lots and little legs."

-Terry Pratchett, The Colour of Magic

"HUMANS NEED FANTASY TO BE HUMANS. TO BE THE PLACE WHERE THE FALLING ANGEL MEETS THE RISING APE."

-Death, Terry Pratchett, Hogfather

"The important thing about having lots of things to remember is that you've got to go somewhere afterwards where you can remember them, you see? You've got to stop. You haven't really been anywhere until you've got back home."

-Twoflower, Terry Pratchett, The Light Fantastic

Useful Tools for the Self-Employed Author

As a self-employed author and freelance copywriter, one of the biggest (and most important) things I have struggled with is the paperwork. Whether it is accounting, invoicing, or just keeping track of my projects, I find it boring, frustrating, and time consuming.

But thank goodness for smart people inventing things. I have discovered a few tools that have come to my rescue on more than one occasion while also saving me time and money. 

Let's talk about money first.

Quickbooks. More specifically, Quickbooks - Self-Employed. It's a godsend. It helps you track income and expenses, while helping you calculate taxes on a month-to-month basis. It even allows you to pay your taxes throughout the year, rather than doing one big money dump in April. ~$10/month. I traded it for Netflix in my budget. Worth it.

Osmosis. A word which refers to the tendency of fluids to pass through semipermeable membranes... well, anyway, Osmosis is also a platform which allows for an easier and more effective communication with clients. It allows you to draw up professional-looking proposals, create questionnaires to get whatever information you need, keep track of communications with your client throughout the project, and a few other things. It's at least worth a free trial - check it out. ~$20/month

Google Docs. I'm actually surprised at how many people don't use Google Docs, at least for word  docs and basic spreadsheets. It makes it possible for multiple people to look at, write, and change things on the same document at the same time. There are options for track changing and commenting, and best of all, I can access it anywhere, any time. On my computer at home, at my parents' house, on my phone... plus there's plenty of storage space and it's free. ~$0/month

I'd love to hear about some other tools you use to do paperwork. I'm always looking for ways to make my process more efficient and my life a little easier. Comment if you have any suggestions!

Time Travel Is Possible

This is me when I was a munchkin. TIME TRAVEL. If I went back, my past self from this picture probably wouldn't recognize my current self though.

We all know time travel is possible because we do it all the time. Right now I am slowly making my way into the future. Fascinating, eh? You can also get to the future by traveling close to the speed of light for a bit and then stopping again. Just ask the brilliant Brian Cox.

Traveling to the past, on the other hand, is a little different. Of course, Futurama says it's possible. It happens in Family Guy every other episode. Let's not forget about Doctor Who and a dozen other shows! Don't get me started on the books about time travel.

But until we figure out how to build the appropriate technology, it's going to be rather difficult to go back and chat with ourselves (paradox, anyone?), have coffee with our imagined idols (I don't drink coffee, but, Marie Curie would be my idol, or Carl Sagan or Douglas Adams), or kill Hitler. What we can do, however, is leave messages from our past selves to our future selves, reminding us who we were, what we were like, and what stupid things we did as youths.

We can also look at old drafts of old novels (cringe) and see where we started. This is an excellent self-esteem building exercise. "My books might not be perfect now, but look at what I used to write!"

Anyway, I have one of those for you today. Below is a scrap I dug out of my archives, the very first words written for The Wounded World. None of these words exist in the published version, but here they are in their full glory for your reading pleasure and my own mild embarassment.

If it's a rainy day where you are, I highly recommending digging through some old files and finding something you wrote years ago--a letter, an essay, a journal--and remember where you came from.

With no further ado... Wounded World -- Draft 1:

It was the mirror that did it. I had a broken piece of the world and as I twiddled it between my fingers it slipped and cut my finger and round spheres of blood flew into the earth like red rain. The mirror dripped too, but only two droplets, and they quickly disappeared amidst the shower fed by my veins. I made no sound, but watched; and soon, the dry grass and dusty red earth swallowed it up like a thirsty sponge and all I could see was a stain where my blood had pierced the ground. But my finger kept bleeding.

When I looked at the sky I noticed that the clouds had gobbled up the blue and the leaves on the trees were upside down, bowing in worship to the power of the wind. Somewhere I knew, though I couldn’t see where, ants scurried to build levies around the doors to their home. The air ached to spread its moisture on every living thing and every dead thing. I was still living.

Soon my hair clung to my face and my shirt, and my shirt clung to my back. Droplets of water streamed down my forehead and nose and into my eyes and mouth. I didn’t move, but held my finger higher and watched as the blood mixed with the water to make a bloody rain, a union of allied liquids, the ones that make life. A sprinkling of blood spattered my jeans, and the rain washed it into strange shapes and circles.

Then I saw the man. He was the one that pulled me from that world into this one. The reason he did so, was not because I was special, for I am not, nor because I was pretty, because I am not, nor because I was the only living creature around, for I wasn’t, but because I was bleeding. I grabbed the mirror piece before I left. I figured it could be useful. Or deadly.